What to do when you wobble...

For the moments when you feel a little fragile and tender when following the path of your heart work...

Hello to anyone who is new here… I am Lauren, a Mother of two daughters, a Writer Soulful Business Mentor, Website & Branding Creator, Human Design Guide, Sacred Space Holder and multi dimensional human being. You can find out more about my work here. Please do subscribe to join the journey, and if you enjoy this, and you do have the means, I would be so grateful if you chose to support my creations for £5 a month…

An image of the cascading Wisteria found at a local gardens over the weekend - sharing simply because it is beautiful.

I am trying something a little different here today and experimenting with a change in the rhythm and structure of my writing to you…

But first a little reflection…

I began this Substack just over a year ago with the soul purpose of connecting back to my writing and regaining the creative confidence I had in pouring words onto paper/screen AND sharing them.

Having been a blogger since way back when blogspot was ‘the thing’ I have always enjoyed sharing my words online, but somewhere between becoming pregnant with my first daughter in 2019 and giving birth to my second in 2022, it all got a little… lost.

Substack has given me the container I was seeking. A home for my words to settle. Having stayed accountable to writing pretty much every single Wednesday for over a year I feel like I have landed back into being able to call myself ‘a writer’ again and it feels just so right.

BUT… while my writing has been flowing, the last few months have felt a little sticky when it comes to my rhythm. I find myself dancing between a need to have a regular posting day AND also wanting to honour the creative urges that rise up, and we all know that doesn’t always happen to ‘a schedule’.

There have been times when getting my post shared on a Wednesday morning at 5am (UK time) has been a tight squeeze. There have also been times when my words have flowed out on a Monday and I have felt a little flattened by having to wait until the middle of the week for it to be sent out.

This is a self imposed boundary I might add.

So I am experimenting with a new rhythm. There will be a commitment to writing a shared piece once a week (at least) but I am not restricting myself to a certain day or a certain cadence because I want to explore what it feels like to have a little more freedom.

On one hand I have a little nervousness that without a ‘day’ I won’t show up to my heART, and yet on the other hand it feels extremely liberating to be able to allow things to be more fluid.

It may not ‘work’ of course - one of my fears in doing this is that I lose the momentum and accountability and adhere to one of my old narratives of ‘flakey’ — which is a hangover from the days before I understood what being a Manifesting Generator in Human Design means for me.

But I also know that without experimentation there is no way of ever knowing what it could feel like. And experimentation is essential — we simply cannot know how something will feel/pan out unless we give it a whirl.

So here I am… giving it a whirl.

Writing as a way of witnessing transformation

Over this past year, with a regular writing practice, I have witnessed myself changing drastically — a rite of passage such as Matrescence will do that — and the integration space that my writing has given me has been a balm. Medicine in fact.

As I edge closer towards my youngest meeting 1.5 years old, and my eldest beginning school this autumn — I find myself yet again feeling a sense of re-birthing. Or perhaps a better way to describe it is… remembering.

I have noticed that there is a side to me missing here in my writing, a side that I’ve been shying away from because I am still learning how to hold it’s vastness in myself.

This is the side of me that deeply desires to step into an embodied and sacred space of leadership. Seeing my self in this word is hard for me. It makes me squirm a little even just writing it.

I don’t want to appear conceited or over confident and yet also I know I have a huge amount of value that I can offer others walking the paths of motherhood AND simultaneously following the call of their heart and soul work.

I have a treasured gift for holding others through the transformative experience of claiming, evolving and expanding into their creativity and heart work.

In the last ten years I’ve watched many other women step up and rise into their heart and soul work, I’ve been there to hold them through it, I have built their websites, created their branding and been their biggest cheerleaders. It’s beyond beautiful and the deepest honour. And yet, while I have pursued things in my own way, and evolved beyond my wildest dreams in some aspects, I never felt truly ready to fully claim my own role in leading and guiding others. Fear held on too tightly.

But now I’m feeling the tug of the soul so strongly I know that it’s my time to put my whole heart in… tender as it feels. And the fear (and frustration) of not following the call of my passions is outweighing the fear of doing it.

This is, afterall, my heart work.

Enter… the wobbly moments

Of course claiming a position of heart-felt leadership, of following our sacred creativity, comes with vulnerability. At each phase of our soul work we have to meet a new version of ourselves. It’s wobbly AF!

When I first set out in transitioning my PR & Marketing business to a more holistic set of offerings back in 2013, I had this misconception that if I was following my soul’s song then I would feel confident and excited and lit up the whole time.

So when I very soon met ‘my wobbly self’ I would question whether I was actually on the right path at all - because surely it should be easy? Surely it should feel like a breath of fresh air?

It was only after a lot of undulation — years of it — that I realised in fact, when we are following work that is truly aligned with our heart and soul it can feel extremely vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable a lot of the time.

It isn’t just ‘a job’ it MEANS something. More than sometimes we even realise on a rational mind level. And for this reason, our nervous systems often step in to protect us from exposing these vulnerable pieces for fear of them being rejected or misunderstood.

Do you know what I mean?

Sophia helping her little sister balance through the ‘wobbles’ in our local woodland at the weekend.

But what to do in the wobbly moments?

I hope that some of the following ideas — which are now firmly integrated into the way I run my own business and work with clients —will give you some supportive ideas as to how you can learn to ride the inevitable wavy current of claiming your heart work…

Pause. There is a tendency to want to run away but in my experience we need to stop for a moment and witness it all with compassionate eyes. I have often found myself repeating patterns around my wobbles and insecurities and it is only when I paused and took the time to get still with them that I could understand them deeply and begin to re-route the repeating cycles.

Return to your anchor point - your sacred WHY. When I work with clients in all ways it is really important that we ensure we are clear on the WHY (or multiple WHYS) that this work, this creative project, is calling to them. Without this I find there is nothing to tether us back to the heART of it when we feel like we have drifted away.

Soothe yourself. Nervous system practices that hold you are imperative here. It is likely the wobbles are surfacing because there is a part of you that feels unsafe, so taking the time to gently nurture and soothe those parts of yourself are the foundation you need to take a step deeper into your heart work.

Move it through. When we are in a wobbly phase it can be tempting to turn to all of the calming tools but the wobbles are often when we get ‘stuck’ and so movement is hugely important to shift some of that stagnation in our bodies. This doesn’t have to be drastic movement - sometimes it is gentle somatic enquiry within the body and other times it looks like breaking a sweat through running, dancing, yoga or lifting weights. The most important thing is that you just move.

Stay with the wobble. It is not about avoiding the wobbles - it is about understanding them and building your capacity to hold yourself through it. Each time we expand this capacity we stretch our wings a little more, and next time it might not feel quite so uncomfortable. You will also provide yourself with valuable ‘evidence’ that you have held yourself through it, and therefore you can do it again.

Seek support. Social connection is a valid part of supporting our nervous system and so voicing and sharing your wobbly moments with a trusted source (friend, family member, mentor, coach…) could be the difference between staying stuck and moving one baby step forward.

Simplify things. So often the wobbles arise for me when I am feeling overwhelmed and that usually comes when I have fallen into some patterns of misalignment, acting from ‘should’ or saying yes to too many things. Do a little audit of your responsibilities and get very honest about what is working and what isn’t so you can put your energy into the thing that feels most alive.

Tools of remembrance. For me this is where I always return back to my Human Design chart (or that of a client if we are working through this together). In my eyes Human Design is a beautiful empowerment tool which helps me remember my strengths and my gifts, and evaluate where I might be operating from a place that isn’t truly ‘me’. You can look up your chart for free here, or book a reading with me if you are feeling called to deepen into this.

Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Each phase of your heart work asks you to expand and evolve — to meet another version of yourself — it is a transformational experience and that doesn’t move on a linear timeline, and it definitely doesn’t respond well to harsh self criticism. Be gentle with yourself, the wobbles are part of the process.

I would love to hear how you meet wobbly phases in your heart work… do share in the comments if you feel called.

In other news I have opened up the bookings for three in-person gatherings coming over the next few months. If you are local to Kent in the UK and fancy joining me I am hosting a Women’s Circle on Monday 20th May, 7-9pm, and a half day Mother’s retreat on June 8th, 2-6pm. All the details can be found below.

Until next time…

With so much love,

Lauren

xxx

Recent offerings you might have missed…

• Balancing Motherhood with an urge to to travel - a post about my recent trip to Germany and what it surfaced within me.

• Merging the inner and outer worlds - a podcast episode with Laura Hart Swann where we talk about birth, business, motherhood and claiming our lineage.

• Vesper’s Birth Story part 1 - Letting go of the birth I hoped for.

  

Go deeper together…

If you enjoy my work and wish to go deeper you can…

• Find out about my 1-2-1 Mentoring here

• Explore my Creative Studio offerings - Website & Branding here

• Book a Human Design reading here

• Listen to The Unravelling Podcast here

• Explore my online home here

• Follow me on Instagram here

• Explore my Creative Branding & Design Studio website here