Allowing Motherhood to rearrange us...
Thoughts on orientating to my current season as a Mother of two, a Circle invitation AND a call for collaboration...
I have experimented with reading the main part of this as an audio you can listen to as well… let me know if you enjoy it in this way and I will make sure I do more!
As I was doing laps of my local park on Monday afternoon - dodging shrieking children, avoiding barking dogs and diverting over the rutty grass just to keep away from anyone enjoying any form of loud merriment that may wake up the baby - I was reflecting over something that has been on my heart this last week or two.
Can we allow Motherhood - and our children - to rearrange us?
There is monumental change when it comes to becoming a Mother.
Changes to our rhythms. Changes to our body. Changes to our sense of Self. Changes to our practices and rituals. Changes to the way we view the world. Changes to our relationships. Changes to our creativity. Changes to our energy.
There is not much that doesn’t change.
I used to hear many people claiming… ‘I won’t let being a Mother change me’… however, I would have been disappointed if I didn’t change! There is this beautiful opportunity to deepen into ourselves through Matrescence and while pieces of us fall away - and we are allowed to be sad about that - there are also pieces that we haven’t yet met that begin to fall into their rightful homes.
I don’t just feel changed by Motherhood, I feel re-arranged.
I feel like I have been dismantled and placed back together in an entirely new way. A way that means I see the world differently. A way that means I exist in the world differently.
It is still me… but different things have become a priority, my values have bubbled up to the surface when before they were a little more hidden, my fears have taken on new iterations and I’m constantly being called to witness my shadows.
I am the same… same, but different.
Orientating yourself here now
It is only now that I am just over 7 months postpartum with my youngest daughter - that I can truly sit and see, and embrace this re-arrangement.
My Mentor Jessie Harrold shares the journey of transformation within the structure of the elements, and right now - even though I have been a Mother for nearly 4 years - I am very much feeling in the Earth phase. Orientating. Landing. Looking around at what my life looks like now and accepting it for what it is. Not what I expected it to be, not even what I hoped it would be, what it truly IS.
Within that acceptance process is the essential grieving of what was. I will be honest - until more recently I have struggled with this process. Holding on a bit too tightly to expectation and finding it hard to really lean in to the reality…
Our little family had a comfortable rhythm, and I liked the stability and predictability of that rhythm.
And then a second baby arrived - a baby who is extremely different to my first. A baby who is extremely sensitive, needs a lot of support, doesn’t sleep like my eldest did/does, doesn’t like to be put down, hasn’t taken to weaning onto solids like her big sister did… all totally normal for a baby… but different. And I have needed to give myself grace in adjusting to different. I know that it is not helpful to compare your children - but when you have only had one experience it is very hard NOT to look at that journey as a benchmark. It is hard not to have some level of expectation that things might look at least a little similar.
I have been re-arranged. And not only that - our whole entire family has been re-arranged. And at times - I haven’t liked it. I wanted our second baby to ‘slot in’ like everyone told me second children ‘have to’. I wanted to have the same little comfortable routine. I wanted predictability because that felt safe to me.
I also wanted to receive the gifts and changes that this new little being would bring in. I was excited for the opportunity to once more transform and evolve myself and expand our hearts as a family.
I think it is human nature to want stability and safety AND also crave adventure and growth. That polarisation can be a challenge to dance with!
Some words shared from my journal as I journeyed with this ‘rearrangement’ contemplation…
I am having to fully let go of the old rhythms… pieces of me are falling away in order to adapt to this new reality. It is painful. More painful than I realised, more painful than I I thought it ‘should’ be having already been a Mother to Sophia for the past 4 years...
A dismantling of structures and rigidity… to make way for the purest of presence. I am having to let this little being shape me. Rearrange me…
My invitation is to not be afraid of this rearrangement. When I rock her (Vesper) to sleep at night - she cries through the transition from wakefulness to sleep - sometimes she cries so hard, and for so long, that almost every piece of my being wants to escape the room, to walk away from the discomfort of holding such raw emotion. But my heart knows. She holds me in that space. This little being is teaching me how to stay with the discomfort of being re-arranged. The discomfort of stripping away the walls…
She is teaching me that it is only when we let ourselves be rearranged and changed, that we can see from a different perspective, and that different perspective is what shows us the next step on the path. A different path than the one that was familiar. Without the different view… there is only the same steps… and then there is only the same outcome…
She is, in her own way, edging me deeper down the path I am supposed to be on - and what a gift that is…
But the expected rhythm has had to be released from the grip of my palms… like my fingers have been peeled open one by one… and the realisation that our sacred structure has disintegrated in order to go down a new path… that has taken me time to orient to… Somehow - I have only just let it fully dawn on me… 7 months after she was born.
Forever changed. Forever rearranged.
Do you feel rearranged by Motherhood? I would love to deepen this conversation in the comments, or with a reply.
An invitation to my next free online Tea & Oracle circle
Thursday 17th August, 11am (BST)
This will be the first online circle - or even of any kind in fact - that I have held since Vesper was born at the end of last year - so I am excited and also a little bit nervous!
A free gathering online where we will land together, pull cards, take some space to journal if you wish, and simply allow some space to sew seeds during the New Moon phase.
Little ones of course welcome - although this space is of course for YOU!
I will bring the cards.
You bring the tea.
Together we all bring the magic.
Reserve your spot here.
A call to collaborate…
I have a little project brewing, and I would LOVE for to invite you to be part of it!
I would like to create a free guide to gift others when they join us in The Mother Well and I have decided that the focus will be on a collection of 5 minute rituals that can anchor, soothe and support Mothers as they navigate this wild ride!
I have lots of my own ideas, but what I thought would be so beautiful is to bring your unique perspective into this creation. A chance for you to share your magic, and also invite others to rest in your own Mother’s Heart Balm.
This could be a meditation you have created, a journal prompt you love to explore, an embodiment practice, an essential oil blend you annoint yourself with, a prayer you say, a mantra, a song, a poem… absolutely anything can be intentionally made sacred and turned into a micro moment of self connection.
If you would like to be part of this, please click this link and fill out the form by the end of August. If you know someone who would be the perfect fit for this - please do share with them too!
Celebrating my first guest post on Substack…
It was such an honour to write this guest post for
. This is my first Substack collaboration (I hope the first of many) and it combines everything I adore! Motherhood and Business
Last but not least… I can’t resist a good laugh and wanted to share this Instagram Reel that my husband sent me… listen with sound if you can! I can’t help but see myself in this!
Until next time…
With love,
xxx
A beautiful invitation Lauren! So much to think about and connect with here - thank-you for sharing your journey with us. I wish I had your words when I first became a mum.
Beautiful piece and yes, I do. I came to motherhood later in life and I feel fortunate that I expected it to be a massive change, and to change me... I think that did help. I once read somewhere that having a baby is like becoming a vampire -- you gain all kinds of new and incredible abilities but the old self has to die. That always stayed with me a bit and I do think it’s true. I think it’s also why some old friendships tend to fade away, as painful as that can be.