This really moved me to see that voice note helped you Lauren. And it was so helpful for me to read how you practised that acceptance - a brilliant reminder for myself, for, although I know that turning towards difficult feelings and sensations is the wisdom, the medicine, I often forget and can turn to distraction rather than presence. It takes a lot of a courage to do this.
Thinking of you during this big transition for you and Sophia xxx
I am feeling very grateful for River returning to nursery on Wednesday and having regular childcare again. And I love, love, LOVE autumn so I am looking forward to seeing that beautiful season unfold.
I'm also trying cold water swimming Wednesday morning and hoping it will set me up well for the day!xxx
I honestly am so grateful to you Ellie, your words really sparked such a rememberance in me. I think it is always easy to offer support to others over taking it ourselves, but then that is why we have eachother to mirror what we need when we need it. That is such a gift!
I hope that you have had some gentle time this week with River back in childcare, and I would love to hear how cold water swimming was! xxx
Yes you're so right ❤️ Swimming was great - not very cold, but a great way to start the day - and probably best I start when it's warm and gradually get used to the cold!xxx
Oh Lauren, thinking about you during this time. I too identify as sensitive, and I find it easy to fall into the trap of why am I like this and why can’t I be more normal. It is such a gift to feel so deeply and it can be incredibly painful. Thank you for writing this, and sharing how you turn in towards yourself, even when you don’t want to, even when it is hard. You are doing great, you will get through this, this change will settle in time.
Thank you so much Emma, your words are such a comfort to me, I think knowing that there are others that feel as deeply is reassuring and in those moments of intensity I feel a little less alone. Not that I wish the discomfort on anyone else, but just to know I am not ‘broken’. I always come back to the premise that if I didn’t feel the less desirable emotions as much I wouldn’t also be able to experience the awe and wonder, the magic and the excitement… so rather than numbing to it all, I GET to feel so much and that is what really being ALIVE is all about. Grateful for you. xxx
Ah this was so beautiful Lauren, thank you for sharing from your heart as always. I loved hearing your realisation that you can hold both, the self-tending and the mothering. And I loved Ellie’s empowering words about the choices you /we have. As is so often the case in this season of mothering/life, softening to what is present can be so helpful. Sending lots of love to you during this very ‘big’ time. Your poem really got me today, so tender and so true. L has been at school for one afternoon and I already feel an enormous shift in my mothering role! xx
Ahhh lovely, it is such a big shift isn't it? Sophia already acting so much more grown up it is weird how the transition has given her another layer of self assurance!!! Hugs and love to you always. xxx
How I cried, Lauren. Why do I always cry when I read your words? I would not have it any different.
I am far away still from school days and I am already having heart-racing/brain-fog/cold-shivers/panicked-thoughts moments about that time of their life and I know, I just know, I will come back to this poem and cry a little more. Then I will wipe my tears while mentally thanking you for what will feel like a long-distance hug while I smile at my girls, one and then the other, and I will hold their hand as they enter this uncharted, precious chapter of their lives.
Oh love, holding you in the tears, both now and the future versions of you. While it has ached my Mama heart it has also been one of the proudest weeks watching her already flourishing and stepping out with confidence and excitement. Thank you for reading and sharing your heart. xxx
I honestly early cannot express how much of a reference point you are for growing into the mother of growling children. I hope her first week of this journey left both you and her memories to cherish for a long time ♥️
Ahhh lovely you make my heart swell. It’s been a week of pride and learning and I can’t believe how much she has ‘grown’ up in just these few days. Exciting and expansive while also being achy and emotional. Xxx
Oh wow - I literally could have been reading about myself. What you describe is how I live many days. I have become more sensative as I age and I think the wonders of perimenopause also contributes. Thanks for sharing.
Running, sitting in silence out in nature, sea swimming and singing help me.
I too relish the laughter with my little one - focusing on the joy!
I am so sorry that you can relate so deeply - but glad that you have those practices to anchor you. Sea swimming I feel like I need in my life…just need to move to a beach! Lol! The joyful moments, and the glimmers, are so important in those periods of high anxiety. xxx
Your description of your sensitive nervous system and the physical manifestations of anxiety is so insightful. It's a reminder that our bodies hold wisdom and that tuning in to their signals is crucial. Your journey of learning to listen to your body and respond with gentleness is inspiring. It's a testament to the power of self-awareness and the importance of honoring our individual needs.
Thank you Alexander, that is a really beautiful reflection and I am so grateful that you read it and saw this. Anxiety has always been a guide back to my body, over and over again, not that it is an easy path, but it is one that I have surprising amounts of gratitude for. x
Thank you Claire, she has gone in for her second morning today and went in really happily. Now for some space for me with my little one also taken care of for the morning. xx
Ahhhh yes, it needs to be proactive rather than reactive. I find myself re-learning this all the time. For me there’s some residue of resentment around ‘something ELSE I have to DO?’ But I leaning into it and softening is the sweetest release.
Even reading your words made me aware of tension and low level anxiety in my body which I just allowed to soften. It’s less a doing and more an allowing and this is my lesson over and over.
PS I love your dream to get your toes salty before breakfast more often 🙌🏼
Oh I hear you Sarina!! Another task that I have to be responsible for... but then the rewards are so rich. I am definitely one that also has to remember it over and over again, probably will be my life's work!!!
So glad that the words brought a softness to you. And yes... I need to put salty toes on my vision board!!!! xxx
Lauren, what a beautiful poem at the end there, makes me emotional reading it. They are ready and we are not ❤️. I love the idea of being proactive with self tending, and putting boundaries in place because you know that all the changes ahead will be a lot. And gosh I really feel you with the anxiety too, it's really hard to get out of the spiral. I love that you met yourself with compassion and let those feelings in. Not easy to do ❤️. Although my kids aren't starting school, they are going into Y3 and Y5, I feel sad because this summer especially I'm noticing how much they've all grown and matured. My eldest will be 10 in a matter of weeks. I have 1 more year with my youngest and then he starts half day nursery in school. I feel like I'm on the cusp of everything changing and I'm never ready for it ❤️. I've really enjoyed my summer with the kids too, which is a nice feeling after usually dreading the summer holidays! Go gently with yourself Lauren, sending you love ❤️
Thank you Jenna, all of your words resonated. I suspect that every September (new beginnings) there is this sense of grief and excitement. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have an almost 10 year old. Makes my heart feel a little wobbly, holding you deeply through this milestone.
I really enjoyed the summer holidays, I almost feel ‘shame’ saying that because there is so much narrative around it being really awful and the desperation to get them back to school. There were definite challenges, and Sophia was so ready to get back into a social setting and have her brain engaged, but I also really enjoyed the time with them and it feels a bit rebellious to say that - like I might be cast out of the ‘mum club’!! Ha! I am always unpicking those storylines.
This really moved me to see that voice note helped you Lauren. And it was so helpful for me to read how you practised that acceptance - a brilliant reminder for myself, for, although I know that turning towards difficult feelings and sensations is the wisdom, the medicine, I often forget and can turn to distraction rather than presence. It takes a lot of a courage to do this.
Thinking of you during this big transition for you and Sophia xxx
I am feeling very grateful for River returning to nursery on Wednesday and having regular childcare again. And I love, love, LOVE autumn so I am looking forward to seeing that beautiful season unfold.
I'm also trying cold water swimming Wednesday morning and hoping it will set me up well for the day!xxx
I honestly am so grateful to you Ellie, your words really sparked such a rememberance in me. I think it is always easy to offer support to others over taking it ourselves, but then that is why we have eachother to mirror what we need when we need it. That is such a gift!
I hope that you have had some gentle time this week with River back in childcare, and I would love to hear how cold water swimming was! xxx
Yes you're so right ❤️ Swimming was great - not very cold, but a great way to start the day - and probably best I start when it's warm and gradually get used to the cold!xxx
Oh Lauren, thinking about you during this time. I too identify as sensitive, and I find it easy to fall into the trap of why am I like this and why can’t I be more normal. It is such a gift to feel so deeply and it can be incredibly painful. Thank you for writing this, and sharing how you turn in towards yourself, even when you don’t want to, even when it is hard. You are doing great, you will get through this, this change will settle in time.
Thank you so much Emma, your words are such a comfort to me, I think knowing that there are others that feel as deeply is reassuring and in those moments of intensity I feel a little less alone. Not that I wish the discomfort on anyone else, but just to know I am not ‘broken’. I always come back to the premise that if I didn’t feel the less desirable emotions as much I wouldn’t also be able to experience the awe and wonder, the magic and the excitement… so rather than numbing to it all, I GET to feel so much and that is what really being ALIVE is all about. Grateful for you. xxx
Yes, we GET to feel so much, the positive and negative, the highs and lows!
Ah this was so beautiful Lauren, thank you for sharing from your heart as always. I loved hearing your realisation that you can hold both, the self-tending and the mothering. And I loved Ellie’s empowering words about the choices you /we have. As is so often the case in this season of mothering/life, softening to what is present can be so helpful. Sending lots of love to you during this very ‘big’ time. Your poem really got me today, so tender and so true. L has been at school for one afternoon and I already feel an enormous shift in my mothering role! xx
Ahhh lovely, it is such a big shift isn't it? Sophia already acting so much more grown up it is weird how the transition has given her another layer of self assurance!!! Hugs and love to you always. xxx
How I cried, Lauren. Why do I always cry when I read your words? I would not have it any different.
I am far away still from school days and I am already having heart-racing/brain-fog/cold-shivers/panicked-thoughts moments about that time of their life and I know, I just know, I will come back to this poem and cry a little more. Then I will wipe my tears while mentally thanking you for what will feel like a long-distance hug while I smile at my girls, one and then the other, and I will hold their hand as they enter this uncharted, precious chapter of their lives.
Oh love, holding you in the tears, both now and the future versions of you. While it has ached my Mama heart it has also been one of the proudest weeks watching her already flourishing and stepping out with confidence and excitement. Thank you for reading and sharing your heart. xxx
I honestly early cannot express how much of a reference point you are for growing into the mother of growling children. I hope her first week of this journey left both you and her memories to cherish for a long time ♥️
Ahhh lovely you make my heart swell. It’s been a week of pride and learning and I can’t believe how much she has ‘grown’ up in just these few days. Exciting and expansive while also being achy and emotional. Xxx
Oh wow - I literally could have been reading about myself. What you describe is how I live many days. I have become more sensative as I age and I think the wonders of perimenopause also contributes. Thanks for sharing.
Running, sitting in silence out in nature, sea swimming and singing help me.
I too relish the laughter with my little one - focusing on the joy!
I am so sorry that you can relate so deeply - but glad that you have those practices to anchor you. Sea swimming I feel like I need in my life…just need to move to a beach! Lol! The joyful moments, and the glimmers, are so important in those periods of high anxiety. xxx
Your description of your sensitive nervous system and the physical manifestations of anxiety is so insightful. It's a reminder that our bodies hold wisdom and that tuning in to their signals is crucial. Your journey of learning to listen to your body and respond with gentleness is inspiring. It's a testament to the power of self-awareness and the importance of honoring our individual needs.
Thank you Alexander, that is a really beautiful reflection and I am so grateful that you read it and saw this. Anxiety has always been a guide back to my body, over and over again, not that it is an easy path, but it is one that I have surprising amounts of gratitude for. x
I hope your little girl enjoys her new school. Take care of yourself
Thank you Claire, she has gone in for her second morning today and went in really happily. Now for some space for me with my little one also taken care of for the morning. xx
Oh that's a very precious time. 😍
I don’t know you from Adam, Lauren.
But I do now.
A little bit.
Tears with morning tea.
Thank you.
Thank you Matthew, it is an honour to hear your reflections and I am glad that my words moved you. x
Ahhhh yes, it needs to be proactive rather than reactive. I find myself re-learning this all the time. For me there’s some residue of resentment around ‘something ELSE I have to DO?’ But I leaning into it and softening is the sweetest release.
Even reading your words made me aware of tension and low level anxiety in my body which I just allowed to soften. It’s less a doing and more an allowing and this is my lesson over and over.
PS I love your dream to get your toes salty before breakfast more often 🙌🏼
Oh I hear you Sarina!! Another task that I have to be responsible for... but then the rewards are so rich. I am definitely one that also has to remember it over and over again, probably will be my life's work!!!
So glad that the words brought a softness to you. And yes... I need to put salty toes on my vision board!!!! xxx
Lauren, what a beautiful poem at the end there, makes me emotional reading it. They are ready and we are not ❤️. I love the idea of being proactive with self tending, and putting boundaries in place because you know that all the changes ahead will be a lot. And gosh I really feel you with the anxiety too, it's really hard to get out of the spiral. I love that you met yourself with compassion and let those feelings in. Not easy to do ❤️. Although my kids aren't starting school, they are going into Y3 and Y5, I feel sad because this summer especially I'm noticing how much they've all grown and matured. My eldest will be 10 in a matter of weeks. I have 1 more year with my youngest and then he starts half day nursery in school. I feel like I'm on the cusp of everything changing and I'm never ready for it ❤️. I've really enjoyed my summer with the kids too, which is a nice feeling after usually dreading the summer holidays! Go gently with yourself Lauren, sending you love ❤️
Thank you Jenna, all of your words resonated. I suspect that every September (new beginnings) there is this sense of grief and excitement. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have an almost 10 year old. Makes my heart feel a little wobbly, holding you deeply through this milestone.
I really enjoyed the summer holidays, I almost feel ‘shame’ saying that because there is so much narrative around it being really awful and the desperation to get them back to school. There were definite challenges, and Sophia was so ready to get back into a social setting and have her brain engaged, but I also really enjoyed the time with them and it feels a bit rebellious to say that - like I might be cast out of the ‘mum club’!! Ha! I am always unpicking those storylines.
Hope your week has been gentle. xxx
Informative