A beautiful brave piece yet again Lauren. Words I could have written but would have not dared because that would have been one more thing that was TOO much. Thank you for walking and sharing this path. ✨❤️🩹✨
Oh I know that TOO MUCH sense so so well. My whole life. I’m slowly letting myself be all of it. Thank you for witnessing me in all of my true feelings and for holding me in them. Xx
just cried through this after a very tough day that left me feeling so ashamed of every action and word. I woke up this morning committing to being a better mom. thank you for holding and nurturing me through your words - reminding me that , I too, deserve the love, patience and kindness that I uphold myself so highly to offer others, especially my girls. ❤️
I truly hope that you can see yourself with such gentle eyes lovely, I really do know the feelings well. You really do deserve that same love, patience and kindness you offer others. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your words here. xxx
Oh this hit hard. I had a really similar moment last weekend when I was so overstimulated and snapped and yelled. It ended with me sobbing and holding them and apologising.
It’s all we can do, show them we are human.
I’m only just recently unpacking the extremely high standards I have placed on myself within motherhood, and learning what I can let go of. X
Loved your honesty here Lauren and what you wrote here really resonated with me. I remember a point in my motherhood journey where I had to separate myself from the “Instagram Motherhood, Gosh, Isn’t Every Day Perfect” types of people because it was messing with my head the images they were projecting. To be fair, I don’t know what went on behind the scenes of these women’s lives and I’m the one who fell down that particular rabbit hole, but it speaks to a bigger picture that we have to allow for all aspects of motherhood. It is beautiful yes, but it is messy. Raising our children can be magic but it can also be a struggle and I think we have to recognize that as a society. We mothers are not perfect, nor we will ever be. But we wake up each morning and do the best we can with what we know xx
Oh yes I’ve had to do a lot of the same and really be discerning with the images and portrayal that I view and consume. The communities we are around can feed the honest narratives of motherhood but also the more ‘perfect’ versions… and too much of that can lead us to comparison and depicting something that just isn’t real!! That’s all we can do is show up and be as true to ourselves as possible and do our best. I’m pretty sure that’s what we would all tell our kids… to do their best and that’s enough. Thank you so much for reading and commenting here, it means a lot. Xxx
Thank you for your honesty. I feel seen and held by it. I never knew being a mum would be this hard and my god it helps hearing others speaking so frankly about the experience too. Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feelings. It is by far the most challenging thing I’ve ever done… and I think the more we can be honest with each other then the more we can become less separate and support each other through the intensity of it. Xx
I resonated with this to the full extent. I am constantly battling these feelings of guilt, overload, and wondering if I am a “fraud” too? But reading all the vulnerable posts from other moms right now, it makes me realize there are many of us who are thinking about breaking narratives. I’m honored to have you at the conference ❤️
Thank you so much Chanel, gosh doesn’t it feel like a relief to know we aren’t alone in our thoughts sometimes. Such important work we are all walking with I think. So grateful to be part of your wonderful event xxx
I’ve muted Substack for a while, because my inner critic keeps beating me up about all the great writing I’ve been reading and NOT writing. And the first thing that pulled me in today was your title. How often I tell myself, I will do better tomorrow. I will be calmer, more fun. More relaxed, less stressy. More patient, less shouty. More books, less Peppa Pig. After a day like today, when I was tired, snappy, impatient and desperate to check-out. When the words I said to soothe myself were ‘I will be a better mom tomorrow’ THIS piece, YOUR words, OUR shared struggle… was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Ahhh Katie, I hear you on the overwhelm sometimes with so much beautiful writing. I definitely feel that at times too, it is so powerful to protect your own boundaries when it comes to this. I hope you feel able to dip back in and bring your words to the space soon.
I am so glad that this piece came to you when you needed it, from the comments alone I hope you can see that we are very much in this all together even if we are apart. Thank you for reading this and sharing your resonance. It means so much to me. xxx
Oh my gosh, Lauren, this is so powerful and so beautiful, and oh so very relatable. I can't tell you how many times I've told myself I'll be a better mother tomorrow, beaten myself up for being human instead of some perfect robot mum. Thank you for being honest about the reality of it all. You're an awesome mother, and an incredible human. And who wants to be "nice"? Nice is so dull. You're brave and passionate and creative and curious and loving and so much more interesting than "nice". xxx
Thank you so much for reading my words Allegra, and I am totally bowled over by the other Mothers saying they feel similar when I worried it was only me. Once again the power of sharing truth in safe spaces gives me such hope. And you are right… nice is such a ‘meh’ word anyway, I don’t want my daughters to grow up being ‘nice’… I want them to be kind and strong and true to themselves. I am working on unravelling that ‘nice’ from within. xxx
Lauren, how I resonated. People don’t think I’m nice either, I’m honest and cut to the point and it took me a long time to be okay with those parts of myself. So many of your thoughts spin through my mind daily, tomorrow will be different, but right now in this moment I am doing the best I can.
I think you’re nice!!! 🥰 well actually nice is such a nothingy word isn’t it? I think you are powerful and magical and loving and truthful. Isn’t it wild what we hold in ourselves? I’m getting better at being OK with the way people feel about my sometimes quick tongue and brutal honesty but it’s still a bit sensitive when those I hope will accept it can’t seem to. Thank you so much for reading and sharing that you can resonate, it makes me feel so comforted. Xxx
It is such a nothingy word. You are making me tear up…it is hard when those we want to accept what we have troubling accepting in ourselves don’t…it can feel like such a let down. Thank you for writing as honestly as you do.
I loved/appreciated your openness and honesty. It seems you and I are extremely similar. I feel these words/emotions, EVERYTHING you said nearly everyday. I have 7 children and I homeschool them all but I struggle everyday within my head with the same words/struggles you mentioned. I am so thankful someone else feels these emotions as well!
Oh thank you Alesha for sharing your ability to relate. Seven children must be a wild and wonderful ride and I imagine they must all teach you so many different things! It’s comforting to know that we can all be dancing with similar emotions and feelings even though we are miles apart. The community of mothers being truthful really has been such a gift in my journey. Thank you xxx
Thank you so much for sharing this Lauren - your vulnerability and open-heartedness are so needed. I SO relate to all of this, and I, too want to hide those shadow parts. I was berating myself the other day for getting irritated with someone at a social gathering and being a bit ‘too honest’ about the realities of having a baby… But then I thought: what’s going on here? Why am I so terrified of showing people my anger and irritability, letting the mask slip?
I love these self compassion practices. And also what I do (and did for myself this week) was to write how I loved all the parts of myself. So I wrote: ‘I love your irritation’ ‘I love your anger’ ‘I love your jealousy’ and on and on, all the parts I was taught were ‘bad’. But they’re not bad, they’re all innocent, and all welcome.
I think when you share things like you have here it helps others - especially mothers - feel less alone. Shame fades when we shine a light on it.
Also - you’re doing amazing. You care so much. You lead with love xxx
That is such a beautiful practice, and I imagine so powerful. I am definitely going to try this. I always feel like I’ve said ‘too much’ when I meet others in those spaces and feel a hint of ‘what must they think?’ But then I think I’m just very honest and some people can hold that and others find it uncomfortable. I just have to trust that those who resonate will stick around!! Thank you so much for your kind words, for reading, and for sharing your own practice. I’m always so grateful for your support. Xxx
I really relate to so much of this, and it’s so beautifully written, thank you for sharing-it’s helped me on a tricky night of wishing I was doing better.
After a particularly rocky bedtime in our household this is like balm to my Mama heart 🤍 I have apologised 1000x to my son because of times I’ve lost it and shouted feeling like a wish I could rewind time and take it all back 🥺🥺 I’m getting better, it’s getting easier and I’m catching myself more but in the early days I felt pushed to the very edges of everything I knew was possible.
I often thank my son, thank him for showing me all of the parts of myself I could not heal without him ✨ I was that for my Mum growing up and it’s not an easy road. Some of your practices are really supportive so I’ll definitely be taking them on. Breath work has been helping my NS a lot since becoming a Mama to two, I’ve had a few more seconds to say ‘I’m getting disregulated, it’s nothing to do with you, I’m going to walk away and come back.’ 🌸 I’ll definitely be taking on your ‘it’s not personal’ and squeezing my body to stay in my body. I do feel rupture and repair when we mess up and apologise it’s SO POWERFUL though, something I never experienced growing up.
Thank you for your courage for writing this Lauren, you’re a beautiful soul and your daughters are so very lucky to be learning from a woman with such a lioness heart. With love Rachel xx
Oh Rachel, I feel you so deeply and these patterns are things I notice in myself as well over and over. I am not sure there will ever be a total resolution but I do notice they are not as often when I am in a slower more steady period of life and when I feel more resourced in my wellbeing.
My daughters are 100% the reason I have healed deeper parts of myself, but that is never every comfortable and I feel like once you open up to that way of being there is always another layer to work with. I wonder if our children’s generation will have less of these layers to peel away? I hope so… but maybe that is just humanness.
I think coming back to compassion is always the only route through to be honest, I often say to the girls, ‘sorry Mummy is learning this too’, and they are so forgiving that it melts my heart and allows me to practice that forgiveness to myself.
I love that you are catching yourself and finding those couple of seconds before reacting, that is AMAZING and a sure sign that your practices are all coming into their own.
I am so grateful for you being here and for your presence in this space. Thank you. xxxx
Wow, I wasn't expecting to feel so seen and relate so hard to this post, I have had so many similar thoughts, from motherhood to my own personality traits. Thank you for being so honest x
Thank you 🙏🏼 motherhood has brought me close to tears so many times today. I shouldn’t be scrolling on my phone so late, but maybe I will sleep a little easier knowing that I’m not alone, and that I’m doing my best xx
Oh Clare I really feel you, had a morning like that this morning and it is so brutal. I am so glad that my words found you when you needed them and I hope you are having a gentler day today. xxx
A beautiful brave piece yet again Lauren. Words I could have written but would have not dared because that would have been one more thing that was TOO much. Thank you for walking and sharing this path. ✨❤️🩹✨
Oh I know that TOO MUCH sense so so well. My whole life. I’m slowly letting myself be all of it. Thank you for witnessing me in all of my true feelings and for holding me in them. Xx
just cried through this after a very tough day that left me feeling so ashamed of every action and word. I woke up this morning committing to being a better mom. thank you for holding and nurturing me through your words - reminding me that , I too, deserve the love, patience and kindness that I uphold myself so highly to offer others, especially my girls. ❤️
I truly hope that you can see yourself with such gentle eyes lovely, I really do know the feelings well. You really do deserve that same love, patience and kindness you offer others. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your words here. xxx
Oh this hit hard. I had a really similar moment last weekend when I was so overstimulated and snapped and yelled. It ended with me sobbing and holding them and apologising.
It’s all we can do, show them we are human.
I’m only just recently unpacking the extremely high standards I have placed on myself within motherhood, and learning what I can let go of. X
Oh gosh this Tansie!! The standards I hold for myself are impossible to live up to… why are they so deeply engrained? Xx
Loved your honesty here Lauren and what you wrote here really resonated with me. I remember a point in my motherhood journey where I had to separate myself from the “Instagram Motherhood, Gosh, Isn’t Every Day Perfect” types of people because it was messing with my head the images they were projecting. To be fair, I don’t know what went on behind the scenes of these women’s lives and I’m the one who fell down that particular rabbit hole, but it speaks to a bigger picture that we have to allow for all aspects of motherhood. It is beautiful yes, but it is messy. Raising our children can be magic but it can also be a struggle and I think we have to recognize that as a society. We mothers are not perfect, nor we will ever be. But we wake up each morning and do the best we can with what we know xx
Oh yes I’ve had to do a lot of the same and really be discerning with the images and portrayal that I view and consume. The communities we are around can feed the honest narratives of motherhood but also the more ‘perfect’ versions… and too much of that can lead us to comparison and depicting something that just isn’t real!! That’s all we can do is show up and be as true to ourselves as possible and do our best. I’m pretty sure that’s what we would all tell our kids… to do their best and that’s enough. Thank you so much for reading and commenting here, it means a lot. Xxx
Thank you for your honesty. I feel seen and held by it. I never knew being a mum would be this hard and my god it helps hearing others speaking so frankly about the experience too. Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feelings. It is by far the most challenging thing I’ve ever done… and I think the more we can be honest with each other then the more we can become less separate and support each other through the intensity of it. Xx
I resonated with this to the full extent. I am constantly battling these feelings of guilt, overload, and wondering if I am a “fraud” too? But reading all the vulnerable posts from other moms right now, it makes me realize there are many of us who are thinking about breaking narratives. I’m honored to have you at the conference ❤️
Thank you so much Chanel, gosh doesn’t it feel like a relief to know we aren’t alone in our thoughts sometimes. Such important work we are all walking with I think. So grateful to be part of your wonderful event xxx
I’ve muted Substack for a while, because my inner critic keeps beating me up about all the great writing I’ve been reading and NOT writing. And the first thing that pulled me in today was your title. How often I tell myself, I will do better tomorrow. I will be calmer, more fun. More relaxed, less stressy. More patient, less shouty. More books, less Peppa Pig. After a day like today, when I was tired, snappy, impatient and desperate to check-out. When the words I said to soothe myself were ‘I will be a better mom tomorrow’ THIS piece, YOUR words, OUR shared struggle… was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Ahhh Katie, I hear you on the overwhelm sometimes with so much beautiful writing. I definitely feel that at times too, it is so powerful to protect your own boundaries when it comes to this. I hope you feel able to dip back in and bring your words to the space soon.
I am so glad that this piece came to you when you needed it, from the comments alone I hope you can see that we are very much in this all together even if we are apart. Thank you for reading this and sharing your resonance. It means so much to me. xxx
Oh my gosh, Lauren, this is so powerful and so beautiful, and oh so very relatable. I can't tell you how many times I've told myself I'll be a better mother tomorrow, beaten myself up for being human instead of some perfect robot mum. Thank you for being honest about the reality of it all. You're an awesome mother, and an incredible human. And who wants to be "nice"? Nice is so dull. You're brave and passionate and creative and curious and loving and so much more interesting than "nice". xxx
Thank you so much for reading my words Allegra, and I am totally bowled over by the other Mothers saying they feel similar when I worried it was only me. Once again the power of sharing truth in safe spaces gives me such hope. And you are right… nice is such a ‘meh’ word anyway, I don’t want my daughters to grow up being ‘nice’… I want them to be kind and strong and true to themselves. I am working on unravelling that ‘nice’ from within. xxx
Lauren, how I resonated. People don’t think I’m nice either, I’m honest and cut to the point and it took me a long time to be okay with those parts of myself. So many of your thoughts spin through my mind daily, tomorrow will be different, but right now in this moment I am doing the best I can.
I think you’re nice!!! 🥰 well actually nice is such a nothingy word isn’t it? I think you are powerful and magical and loving and truthful. Isn’t it wild what we hold in ourselves? I’m getting better at being OK with the way people feel about my sometimes quick tongue and brutal honesty but it’s still a bit sensitive when those I hope will accept it can’t seem to. Thank you so much for reading and sharing that you can resonate, it makes me feel so comforted. Xxx
It is such a nothingy word. You are making me tear up…it is hard when those we want to accept what we have troubling accepting in ourselves don’t…it can feel like such a let down. Thank you for writing as honestly as you do.
I hear you xxx
I loved/appreciated your openness and honesty. It seems you and I are extremely similar. I feel these words/emotions, EVERYTHING you said nearly everyday. I have 7 children and I homeschool them all but I struggle everyday within my head with the same words/struggles you mentioned. I am so thankful someone else feels these emotions as well!
Thank you so very much!!
Oh thank you Alesha for sharing your ability to relate. Seven children must be a wild and wonderful ride and I imagine they must all teach you so many different things! It’s comforting to know that we can all be dancing with similar emotions and feelings even though we are miles apart. The community of mothers being truthful really has been such a gift in my journey. Thank you xxx
Appreciate your openness and honesty. The words ‘curiosity before criticism’ will stay with me. Easy to remember and a speedy way inwards 💛
Absolutely, all about the easy to remember practices. Thank you so much for reading xx
Thank you so much for sharing this Lauren - your vulnerability and open-heartedness are so needed. I SO relate to all of this, and I, too want to hide those shadow parts. I was berating myself the other day for getting irritated with someone at a social gathering and being a bit ‘too honest’ about the realities of having a baby… But then I thought: what’s going on here? Why am I so terrified of showing people my anger and irritability, letting the mask slip?
I love these self compassion practices. And also what I do (and did for myself this week) was to write how I loved all the parts of myself. So I wrote: ‘I love your irritation’ ‘I love your anger’ ‘I love your jealousy’ and on and on, all the parts I was taught were ‘bad’. But they’re not bad, they’re all innocent, and all welcome.
I think when you share things like you have here it helps others - especially mothers - feel less alone. Shame fades when we shine a light on it.
Also - you’re doing amazing. You care so much. You lead with love xxx
That is such a beautiful practice, and I imagine so powerful. I am definitely going to try this. I always feel like I’ve said ‘too much’ when I meet others in those spaces and feel a hint of ‘what must they think?’ But then I think I’m just very honest and some people can hold that and others find it uncomfortable. I just have to trust that those who resonate will stick around!! Thank you so much for your kind words, for reading, and for sharing your own practice. I’m always so grateful for your support. Xxx
I really relate to so much of this, and it’s so beautifully written, thank you for sharing-it’s helped me on a tricky night of wishing I was doing better.
I am so glad that it found you on a tricky night and I really hope you can be gentle to yourself. It is so intense. xxx
After a particularly rocky bedtime in our household this is like balm to my Mama heart 🤍 I have apologised 1000x to my son because of times I’ve lost it and shouted feeling like a wish I could rewind time and take it all back 🥺🥺 I’m getting better, it’s getting easier and I’m catching myself more but in the early days I felt pushed to the very edges of everything I knew was possible.
I often thank my son, thank him for showing me all of the parts of myself I could not heal without him ✨ I was that for my Mum growing up and it’s not an easy road. Some of your practices are really supportive so I’ll definitely be taking them on. Breath work has been helping my NS a lot since becoming a Mama to two, I’ve had a few more seconds to say ‘I’m getting disregulated, it’s nothing to do with you, I’m going to walk away and come back.’ 🌸 I’ll definitely be taking on your ‘it’s not personal’ and squeezing my body to stay in my body. I do feel rupture and repair when we mess up and apologise it’s SO POWERFUL though, something I never experienced growing up.
Thank you for your courage for writing this Lauren, you’re a beautiful soul and your daughters are so very lucky to be learning from a woman with such a lioness heart. With love Rachel xx
Oh Rachel, I feel you so deeply and these patterns are things I notice in myself as well over and over. I am not sure there will ever be a total resolution but I do notice they are not as often when I am in a slower more steady period of life and when I feel more resourced in my wellbeing.
My daughters are 100% the reason I have healed deeper parts of myself, but that is never every comfortable and I feel like once you open up to that way of being there is always another layer to work with. I wonder if our children’s generation will have less of these layers to peel away? I hope so… but maybe that is just humanness.
I think coming back to compassion is always the only route through to be honest, I often say to the girls, ‘sorry Mummy is learning this too’, and they are so forgiving that it melts my heart and allows me to practice that forgiveness to myself.
I love that you are catching yourself and finding those couple of seconds before reacting, that is AMAZING and a sure sign that your practices are all coming into their own.
I am so grateful for you being here and for your presence in this space. Thank you. xxxx
Wow, I wasn't expecting to feel so seen and relate so hard to this post, I have had so many similar thoughts, from motherhood to my own personality traits. Thank you for being so honest x
Thank you for sharing your resonance Hayley. Xxx
Thank you 🙏🏼 motherhood has brought me close to tears so many times today. I shouldn’t be scrolling on my phone so late, but maybe I will sleep a little easier knowing that I’m not alone, and that I’m doing my best xx
Oh Clare I really feel you, had a morning like that this morning and it is so brutal. I am so glad that my words found you when you needed them and I hope you are having a gentler day today. xxx