As always, Lauren, thank you for your honesty and being authentically yourself. I so relate to that feeling of overwhelm, that critical voice and often have times where I wonder whether I'm neurodivergent too ... But I feel very conflicted about that label. I know, however, that many find it comforting, validating and liberating.
I wish I could write more but I am very, very tired today! Thank you again for your words xxx
I so appreciate your comment lovely, especially when you are so tired. Hoping the day has been gentle with you. I know what you mean on the labelling… I do feel like it would be helpful for me and maybe help me be more understanding with myself… but the system and process to get a diagnosis feels pretty overwhelming to be honest. Thank you for witnessing me xxxx
I got a diagnosis for ADHD earlier in the year. And while it has been really good in some respects it also brought up a lot. There was quite a few months of grief as well as a feeling of knowing myself better.
I totally get you on the sensory overstimulation. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to snap in I get touched one more time! 💛 I also think that sometimes motherhood is really hard when you are striving to do your best, because doing the bare minimum isn’t challenging.
Oooof yes Tansie, that last line speaks to me, because the bare minimum doesn't feel 'enough' for me, well not consistently anyway. I want to be the best possible Mother to them and that means I do have high expectations of myself... often way too high to be honest.
That is really interesting on the diagnosis piece, I imagine it must be so multi-layered for so many reasons. I think if the waitlist wasn't so long here I might investigate it but we would be looking at years unless I go private. And yet there is a part that thinks maybe I would be forgiving of myself if I had a 'diagnosis'... that is a perception though.
Thank you so much for this piece, Lauren. It actually made me realize that no, I am indeed not different to other mothers, as I too have to ask for help and get overly stimulated, not that much by touch, but by the absolutely constant blabbering and talking of my own 2 year old. Just like you, I sometimes get overwhelmed with shame and think: I should just be happy she is practicing her talking skills and constantly support her in this, but in some periods it just becomes too much and I am absolutely drained and need more pauses. I’ve found, with caretaking especially as a stay-at-home-mom, it is tremendously difficult to take an off day where you don’t contribute much or to simply not show up if you are sick or just utterly done for. If I can’t take care of my little one, I HAVE to ask for help, therefore it may seem that I am asking for a lot more help than my husband for example who works in an office and can have more or less productive days. Something that has helped me a lot is realizing that even though I love my daughter, taking care of her is still work, and just like any other work I have ever done, I get tired of it in periods, I think about quitting and I have absolutely no motivation when getting up in the morning. But, if I give myself allowance to feel like this, preferably without the mom-guilt, I have found that a good period often follows, where I feel like this is exactly where I was meant to be.
On creativity and motherhood I have so many thoughts and I have already used so much space here, I am actually planning to share my thoughts in a post this Sunday.
Sorry for the blabbering, but I wanted to let you know: You are not alone on these feelings, as I am right there with you ❤️
Oh thank you Anne for your voice of support and resonance, it really does feel like a balm when others speak openly about their experience, and I can relate to all of what you say. This morning as I was reading stories to my two in bed because they were up so early (we have early risers in this house!) I felt mild irritation as my eldest was constantly stopping me to ask questions, and it is of course so wonderful to nurture her curiosity and I would never want to stop that, but I was tired and bleary eyed, but I had to be compassionate with myself and just allow that mild irritation to be there while ackknowledging how amazing her questions and desire to learn is, but that sometimes it is A LOT to hold!!! I think there is a lot of allowing needed in Mothering, and a lot of grace for ourselves when we perhaps lose that centre. Would love to see that post you talk about this Sunday, do share it with me, and thank you so much for your comment. xxx
I haven’t read this all the way through but I feel compelled to say I am one mother who does find this extremely hard and I reckon there are many, many, more.
For example—I’m sitting in the car after preschool pick up because I picked up our toddler only to realize the car seat is missing from the backseat. We’re in the middle of moving, somewhat unexpectedly due to a rat infestation at our rental home, and while we’ve already bought our new home, it’s currently undergoing several renovation projects and we weren’t planning to move until January (“pacing ourselves” was the plan).
Now we’re moving from Airbnb to Airbnb with a dog and toddler in tow, half of our stuff in one house and half in the other. I have a MILLION things to think about—small detailed stuff that’s “not important” until I forget it (like the car seat). Sometimes I honestly envy my husband for only having to work all day. I feel like I’m doing at least 4 jobs with zero pay or time off, AND I have an amazing, helpful, hands on husband.
We’ve been talking recently about adding a second child to our family but I don’t think I could handle it. Our baby is wonderful and healthy and we have so many resources and it still seems impossible. Which makes me really sad, you know?
Neurodivergent or not, society makes motherhood extremely challenging. It’s not you, it’s the world. And you’re not alone. Now to read the rest of your post! 💗
Ahhh lovely that sounds so so hard!! You are holding so much, thank you for sharing that with me. It is only natural that we 'forget' things when there is so much to retain in our minds - too much for one person to really shoulder on their own. You are so right, it is very much the overculture that makes things insanely hard on parents in general, but particularly Mothers. I get quite rageful when I think too much on these things - like it is ANOTHER thing for us to do to unpick all the unhelpful narratives in our society and work our ways through them. A second child definitely brings a lot of change - both amazing and incredibly hard and it definitely has to be right for each individual. What I would say though is that while it is so so impossible at times, it is also something I wouldn't hesitate to do over again (not a third baby... but having a second!! Definitely no number 3 for me!!) Thank you for sharing with me lovely, I am so appreciative of you taking the time to share your response. xxx
I so relate to all of this!! I'm also reading it in bed, at 2.30pm, having finally accepted that I am indeed ill and need to rest. I don't know why I find that so hard to do, but I kept protesting that I needed to get up and do things while my husband kept insisting that, since I actually had the chance to rest for once, I should make the most of it. I've finally given in, and I've spent a portion of time berating myself about what I *should* be doing, but now I'm also thinking about what I'd actually *like* to be doing. This post has helped me frame some of those thoughts - I'm going to sit (or lie!) with that for a while.
Ahhh lovely, I truly hope you replenished a little. I find it so hard to ask for that rest, and the irony is that I was wiped out with a bug on Friday and forced to stay in bed so it kind of made it happen anyway. Thank you for reading, hopefully you can maybe make some space for this week's Yoga Nidra to top you up a bit more. xxx
Ah thank you for sharing your inner voice with us, you have such a gift at allowing us to be seen with your words. The ‘why am I finding this so hard’ question resonates deeply, it’s something I have often desperately pondered. Of course there are many reasons why it is hard but I think you are right that it is so easy to compare to our perceptions of others or cultural conditioning (which tbh in motherhood has felt like a complete facade). And yes to the millions of tiny things that we have to hold (I actually stopped reading for a few mins when your post reminded me to email back about M’s football class!), it’s a lot but it is almost as though it has become a ‘normal’ way of operating. Anyway, so much to say in response to your words as always, sending you love xx
Thank you for witnessing me lovely one. I always feel like 'I am the only one' until I then speak something out loud and realise that I am one of many... which is comforting, and yet also saddening as well. I wonder if it has always been this way or if there is just so much more to hold with the constant technology piece as well? Grateful for your comment and for making space to read my words always. xxxx
I relate to this so much. I often feel motherhood is harder for me than other moms because I am neurodivergent in some way. But my therapist reminded me that we are all actually neurodivergent and different and most moms struggle just as much but they may not share that with many people so it just seems you are struggling more than others.
I so agree with this, and this is partly why I’m not sure I have the energy to go down an official diagnosis route, because we all have this beautiful uniqueness. I think there is so much to soothe us when we learn we aren’t the only ones finding things challenging. Thank you so much for reading and commenting xxx
I could have written this post. You are not alone in feeling motherhood is hard and you are lacking in some way, I am right there it’s you. I am also finding myself slacking on showing up to my writing, I have many half written posts. There is something about the process of writing, and when I shy away from it, it is usually a sign I need to do it more. I am sorry about the poop on the bedsheets, I hope it turned out okay ❤️
It did! All washed out thankfully!! 🙈 I’m sorry you feel similarly, but at the same time it is comforting to know I’m not alone in the intensity of it. And I think for me showing up to my writing is absolutely essential and I feel all over the place when I am not doing it, but I need to release the pressure for it to be a big in depth essay each week and allow it to be a short and sweet little love note. Thank you, always xxxx
Oh V! Not the white bed sheets! I resonate so much with everything you've said, your words again have landed just as I so desperately need them. Thank you for being you ❤️
Adore everyone as always Lauren. I resonate SO much with the need to have a devoted practice of writing or you simply won’t do it - I tried but quite quickly failed this year to write regularly and I have been thinking more and more how much I want to make substack my preferred ‘engine’ behind which my other pieces of content can (hopefully!) tumble, ease fully…because writing has always felt like a natural thing for me in many ways so if I start with it, perhaps the podcasts and other things will have more creative energy behind it. Your community is stunning and your words are magic as always xx
Thank you so much lovely one, I think the space here is so deep with creative connections and community, I too would love it to be the focal point and let the ripples spread out to other platforms. I wonder if we need to create a little writing accountability group to keep us going!!!?? Xx
I think this is part of the problem that our modern culture has… so many of us are in isolation we don’t see the truth of others and so it makes us feel even more alone when we experience the challenges. Holding you in it lovely xxx
Thank you for sharing, I always feel so seen when I read your words! The feeling of “I’m not the only one” settles over me and brings me a sense of peace I can’t tell you how much I appreciate. Love what you said about your heart work, I had some major break throughs while going through your heart work devotional and I am still processing, but I hope to be able to reach out to you soon to better articulate how much it meant to me. It was truly nourishing for my soul and I’m excited for what it means for my own heart work. Thank you for that space and for being willing to share here as well!!
Ahhhh Courtney this comment means everything to me. I am so so glad you found the devotional a nourishing journey, that was my greatest wish and I would be so honoured for you to share any of what surfaced for you. I’m so grateful to you xxxx
I really resonate with what you said about heart work being a passion, therefore it must just be so good to be able to do it; but it really is so vulnerable. I’ve never understood the phrase, wear your heart on your sleeve, like I do in this season of my life. I’m putting words and gatherings and space for connections out there, and I can’t control whether it will be received.
But I do know that I am being strengthened each time I show up.
I support your thinking not to give up writing because this is the positive thing in your life and the discipline to return to it weekly is part of wellbeing. Sending good wishes to you as you strive for the best possible way to take care of yourself and family and writing.
As always, Lauren, thank you for your honesty and being authentically yourself. I so relate to that feeling of overwhelm, that critical voice and often have times where I wonder whether I'm neurodivergent too ... But I feel very conflicted about that label. I know, however, that many find it comforting, validating and liberating.
I wish I could write more but I am very, very tired today! Thank you again for your words xxx
I so appreciate your comment lovely, especially when you are so tired. Hoping the day has been gentle with you. I know what you mean on the labelling… I do feel like it would be helpful for me and maybe help me be more understanding with myself… but the system and process to get a diagnosis feels pretty overwhelming to be honest. Thank you for witnessing me xxxx
I got a diagnosis for ADHD earlier in the year. And while it has been really good in some respects it also brought up a lot. There was quite a few months of grief as well as a feeling of knowing myself better.
I totally get you on the sensory overstimulation. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to snap in I get touched one more time! 💛 I also think that sometimes motherhood is really hard when you are striving to do your best, because doing the bare minimum isn’t challenging.
Oooof yes Tansie, that last line speaks to me, because the bare minimum doesn't feel 'enough' for me, well not consistently anyway. I want to be the best possible Mother to them and that means I do have high expectations of myself... often way too high to be honest.
That is really interesting on the diagnosis piece, I imagine it must be so multi-layered for so many reasons. I think if the waitlist wasn't so long here I might investigate it but we would be looking at years unless I go private. And yet there is a part that thinks maybe I would be forgiving of myself if I had a 'diagnosis'... that is a perception though.
Really appreciate your comment, thank you. xxx
Thank you so much for this piece, Lauren. It actually made me realize that no, I am indeed not different to other mothers, as I too have to ask for help and get overly stimulated, not that much by touch, but by the absolutely constant blabbering and talking of my own 2 year old. Just like you, I sometimes get overwhelmed with shame and think: I should just be happy she is practicing her talking skills and constantly support her in this, but in some periods it just becomes too much and I am absolutely drained and need more pauses. I’ve found, with caretaking especially as a stay-at-home-mom, it is tremendously difficult to take an off day where you don’t contribute much or to simply not show up if you are sick or just utterly done for. If I can’t take care of my little one, I HAVE to ask for help, therefore it may seem that I am asking for a lot more help than my husband for example who works in an office and can have more or less productive days. Something that has helped me a lot is realizing that even though I love my daughter, taking care of her is still work, and just like any other work I have ever done, I get tired of it in periods, I think about quitting and I have absolutely no motivation when getting up in the morning. But, if I give myself allowance to feel like this, preferably without the mom-guilt, I have found that a good period often follows, where I feel like this is exactly where I was meant to be.
On creativity and motherhood I have so many thoughts and I have already used so much space here, I am actually planning to share my thoughts in a post this Sunday.
Sorry for the blabbering, but I wanted to let you know: You are not alone on these feelings, as I am right there with you ❤️
Oh thank you Anne for your voice of support and resonance, it really does feel like a balm when others speak openly about their experience, and I can relate to all of what you say. This morning as I was reading stories to my two in bed because they were up so early (we have early risers in this house!) I felt mild irritation as my eldest was constantly stopping me to ask questions, and it is of course so wonderful to nurture her curiosity and I would never want to stop that, but I was tired and bleary eyed, but I had to be compassionate with myself and just allow that mild irritation to be there while ackknowledging how amazing her questions and desire to learn is, but that sometimes it is A LOT to hold!!! I think there is a lot of allowing needed in Mothering, and a lot of grace for ourselves when we perhaps lose that centre. Would love to see that post you talk about this Sunday, do share it with me, and thank you so much for your comment. xxx
I haven’t read this all the way through but I feel compelled to say I am one mother who does find this extremely hard and I reckon there are many, many, more.
For example—I’m sitting in the car after preschool pick up because I picked up our toddler only to realize the car seat is missing from the backseat. We’re in the middle of moving, somewhat unexpectedly due to a rat infestation at our rental home, and while we’ve already bought our new home, it’s currently undergoing several renovation projects and we weren’t planning to move until January (“pacing ourselves” was the plan).
Now we’re moving from Airbnb to Airbnb with a dog and toddler in tow, half of our stuff in one house and half in the other. I have a MILLION things to think about—small detailed stuff that’s “not important” until I forget it (like the car seat). Sometimes I honestly envy my husband for only having to work all day. I feel like I’m doing at least 4 jobs with zero pay or time off, AND I have an amazing, helpful, hands on husband.
We’ve been talking recently about adding a second child to our family but I don’t think I could handle it. Our baby is wonderful and healthy and we have so many resources and it still seems impossible. Which makes me really sad, you know?
Neurodivergent or not, society makes motherhood extremely challenging. It’s not you, it’s the world. And you’re not alone. Now to read the rest of your post! 💗
Ahhh lovely that sounds so so hard!! You are holding so much, thank you for sharing that with me. It is only natural that we 'forget' things when there is so much to retain in our minds - too much for one person to really shoulder on their own. You are so right, it is very much the overculture that makes things insanely hard on parents in general, but particularly Mothers. I get quite rageful when I think too much on these things - like it is ANOTHER thing for us to do to unpick all the unhelpful narratives in our society and work our ways through them. A second child definitely brings a lot of change - both amazing and incredibly hard and it definitely has to be right for each individual. What I would say though is that while it is so so impossible at times, it is also something I wouldn't hesitate to do over again (not a third baby... but having a second!! Definitely no number 3 for me!!) Thank you for sharing with me lovely, I am so appreciative of you taking the time to share your response. xxx
Thank you for your writing....resonates with me on so many levels!
Thank you for reading. I hope you have had a gentle weekend. xx
I so relate to all of this!! I'm also reading it in bed, at 2.30pm, having finally accepted that I am indeed ill and need to rest. I don't know why I find that so hard to do, but I kept protesting that I needed to get up and do things while my husband kept insisting that, since I actually had the chance to rest for once, I should make the most of it. I've finally given in, and I've spent a portion of time berating myself about what I *should* be doing, but now I'm also thinking about what I'd actually *like* to be doing. This post has helped me frame some of those thoughts - I'm going to sit (or lie!) with that for a while.
Ahhh lovely, I truly hope you replenished a little. I find it so hard to ask for that rest, and the irony is that I was wiped out with a bug on Friday and forced to stay in bed so it kind of made it happen anyway. Thank you for reading, hopefully you can maybe make some space for this week's Yoga Nidra to top you up a bit more. xxx
Ah thank you for sharing your inner voice with us, you have such a gift at allowing us to be seen with your words. The ‘why am I finding this so hard’ question resonates deeply, it’s something I have often desperately pondered. Of course there are many reasons why it is hard but I think you are right that it is so easy to compare to our perceptions of others or cultural conditioning (which tbh in motherhood has felt like a complete facade). And yes to the millions of tiny things that we have to hold (I actually stopped reading for a few mins when your post reminded me to email back about M’s football class!), it’s a lot but it is almost as though it has become a ‘normal’ way of operating. Anyway, so much to say in response to your words as always, sending you love xx
Thank you for witnessing me lovely one. I always feel like 'I am the only one' until I then speak something out loud and realise that I am one of many... which is comforting, and yet also saddening as well. I wonder if it has always been this way or if there is just so much more to hold with the constant technology piece as well? Grateful for your comment and for making space to read my words always. xxxx
I think the technology piece certainly adds a thick layer that wasn’t there before xx
I relate to this so much. I often feel motherhood is harder for me than other moms because I am neurodivergent in some way. But my therapist reminded me that we are all actually neurodivergent and different and most moms struggle just as much but they may not share that with many people so it just seems you are struggling more than others.
I so agree with this, and this is partly why I’m not sure I have the energy to go down an official diagnosis route, because we all have this beautiful uniqueness. I think there is so much to soothe us when we learn we aren’t the only ones finding things challenging. Thank you so much for reading and commenting xxx
I could have written this post. You are not alone in feeling motherhood is hard and you are lacking in some way, I am right there it’s you. I am also finding myself slacking on showing up to my writing, I have many half written posts. There is something about the process of writing, and when I shy away from it, it is usually a sign I need to do it more. I am sorry about the poop on the bedsheets, I hope it turned out okay ❤️
It did! All washed out thankfully!! 🙈 I’m sorry you feel similarly, but at the same time it is comforting to know I’m not alone in the intensity of it. And I think for me showing up to my writing is absolutely essential and I feel all over the place when I am not doing it, but I need to release the pressure for it to be a big in depth essay each week and allow it to be a short and sweet little love note. Thank you, always xxxx
Yes, releasing the pressure to let it be exactly what it needs to be and what needs to move through you in that moment!
Oh V! Not the white bed sheets! I resonate so much with everything you've said, your words again have landed just as I so desperately need them. Thank you for being you ❤️
Thank you lovely one, we are definitely in this season alongside eachother. Hugs xxxx
Adore everyone as always Lauren. I resonate SO much with the need to have a devoted practice of writing or you simply won’t do it - I tried but quite quickly failed this year to write regularly and I have been thinking more and more how much I want to make substack my preferred ‘engine’ behind which my other pieces of content can (hopefully!) tumble, ease fully…because writing has always felt like a natural thing for me in many ways so if I start with it, perhaps the podcasts and other things will have more creative energy behind it. Your community is stunning and your words are magic as always xx
*adore everything!
Thank you so much lovely one, I think the space here is so deep with creative connections and community, I too would love it to be the focal point and let the ripples spread out to other platforms. I wonder if we need to create a little writing accountability group to keep us going!!!?? Xx
YES PLEASE
Lovely words. I always believe other mothers wing it better than me too. Sometimes it just takes all out of me. 🫶🏼
I think this is part of the problem that our modern culture has… so many of us are in isolation we don’t see the truth of others and so it makes us feel even more alone when we experience the challenges. Holding you in it lovely xxx
Thank you for sharing, I always feel so seen when I read your words! The feeling of “I’m not the only one” settles over me and brings me a sense of peace I can’t tell you how much I appreciate. Love what you said about your heart work, I had some major break throughs while going through your heart work devotional and I am still processing, but I hope to be able to reach out to you soon to better articulate how much it meant to me. It was truly nourishing for my soul and I’m excited for what it means for my own heart work. Thank you for that space and for being willing to share here as well!!
Ahhhh Courtney this comment means everything to me. I am so so glad you found the devotional a nourishing journey, that was my greatest wish and I would be so honoured for you to share any of what surfaced for you. I’m so grateful to you xxxx
I really resonate with what you said about heart work being a passion, therefore it must just be so good to be able to do it; but it really is so vulnerable. I’ve never understood the phrase, wear your heart on your sleeve, like I do in this season of my life. I’m putting words and gatherings and space for connections out there, and I can’t control whether it will be received.
But I do know that I am being strengthened each time I show up.
Thank you for showing up 💕
Ahhh this is beautiful Aleesha, you truly are showing up to this heart work with such grace and awareness. I’m so grateful for you xxx
Gah, relate to much of this. Beautiful words. x
Thank you lovely one xxx
I support your thinking not to give up writing because this is the positive thing in your life and the discipline to return to it weekly is part of wellbeing. Sending good wishes to you as you strive for the best possible way to take care of yourself and family and writing.
Thank you, really appreciate this support xx