Writing as my medicine...

Returning to my weekly thread of writing notes to you, and what pausing this practice has taught me about myself...

Hello lovely one

How are you? How is your heart feeling?

This is the return of my weekly Wednesday love notes after a little sacred pause. As January came to a close I knew I needed to take a creative break to replenish my own wellspring while also making space to see what was lying beneath the surface of a regular sharing schedule. My writing today is inspired by this.

As I have been contemplating my ‘return’ for some reason I’ve been struggling to find the words… it’s not because they aren’t there… they swirl round my head continuously… drafts, notes, titles in notebooks… however translating them from a medley of thoughts and sentences and alchemising them into something beautiful has felt… sticky.

And that’s the problem right there… the pressure to turn my life’s work - my writing - into some kind of ‘palatable’ expression was stifling the flow.

My writing has always been, and will always be, rooted in truth… and my truth is messy. For some it is ‘too much’, for some it is definitely not palatable (a word I am dancing with a lot at the moment it seems). There is no neat packages or succinct conclusions, no filtering the ugly bits, and definitely no having everything ‘figured out’.

When I decided to take a month away from writing here in February I thought it would refresh me.

I thought it would give me a chink of lightness and relieve some pressures in what has felt like a very hard, and long, winter (both inner and outer seasons).

I thought not writing would give me more time to contemplate, to nourish myself, to inspire and energise me, to practice yoga and meditation and just BE.

I thought I would spend my time being more present to what was happening in my life, instead of day-dreaming about writing inspired by it.

But actually, if anything, the opposite has happened. Interestingly.

It turns out (unsurprisingly) that it isn’t writing that depletes me.

I’ve always found my writing to feed my soul. It’s been my medicine for decades, but over the last year - since I began my Substack publication - the magical elixir of words on a page has breathed life into parts of me long forgotten.

Without the accountability to show up and pour words on to this page every week I have felt… well… a little lost. Untethered.

My words in this space have become an anchor.

It was

Emma Del Rey

that mentioned in this note last week about how writing at the start of the week grounded her for the week ahead, and I thought… ahhhh…. yes… that is what has been missing for me these past weeks. I haven’t been starting my week with this outlet… it earths me.

Writing gives me connection. Integration. A space to express and dance with words on a page, to turn the rambles of my messy mind into something cohesive for me.

It is an embodied creative outlet and one that - without it - I feel like my feet aren’t quite touching the ground.

Filling the gaps

Something I noticed in my writing pause is that, instead of giving myself space by not writing… I’ve of course filled the time when I was previously writing with other things. Other things that have a beautiful place in my life - but that should not replace the soul nourishment of writing.

Redesigning my website in an effort to simplify my business, working on two beautiful client projects, one of which birthed last week and you can see here… planning my podcast return (which is now taking up residence here in Substack), catching up on studies for courses started and incomplete.

All have been enriching, all are things I love and enjoy, but they don’t give me the same deep soul connection that my writing does. I need it all. Even in micro-doses that slot in around the edges of Motherhood, of life, of business.

Just like when I forget to take my B vits or magnesium for a few days - when I am not writing I feel lacking in a certain nutrient.

So my writing break has been an interesting experiment…

I hoped I would feel less depleted and more serene and calm, less frazzled… it hasn’t really done that but it has been a really powerful reminder of how much I want need… to write here. To you. To me. To us.

And so… while I wanted my return to be holding a clear plan of moving forward with my words - a structure to present you with and expectations of what is to come - I’m coming to you still from the depths and often fogginess of my second Matrescence and of uncertainty.

Still in the dark corners of sleep deprivation, sensory overload, overwhelm at the emotional load of raising tiny humans and Mum rage that threatens to burn a hole in my throat at times for the words I want to scream.

Still trying to ‘figure out’ what I am doing here in this space, with my heart work, with my life… and actually just coming into a sense of acceptance that this is just my path. To dance with the unknown and let go of too much tight holding.

What is lighting the way…

When I am in a space of ‘not knowing’… which let’s be honest - is pretty much most of the time - my practice is to lean on all the things I do know to be true in that moment, and the things that are lighting me up and illuminating those first gentle steps on the path ahead…

These are…

Redesigning my website… it is always a work in progress - as a Squarespace Website Designer I just can’t stop tweaking and refining - my site is my playground - and as I develop myself more skills I just have to trial and experiment. Consolidating everything into one space feels really true to me at the moment - if a little scary. I would love to know what you think if you do explore it here.

The prospect of in-person gatherings returning... After what seems like forever, I am finally going to be back holding and sharing space… for real life!

I am holding a Journaling Workshop for a creative retreat this Saturday in Sevenoaks (let me know if you want to join us as there are still a couple of last minute places available),

Lyndsay Kaldor

and I have opened up the invitation for our London gathering in April which you can read about and sign up to here (early bird price ends Friday) AND I have found a wonderful space, overlooking a beautiful garden in my local town, for our Women’s and Mother Circles to return very soon. I feel pretty fizzy about all of this I have to say.

Birthing the vision for my Sacred Business School - this has been on my heart for so long to create - a space where heart and soul lead us in our business, rooted in understanding the importance of integrated and embodied ways of ‘doing business’. A space of holding others through the process of birthing their heart work into the world in sacred and loving, yet powerful space. Human-centered, Mother-centred, Soul-centered. The first offering - a group DIY Branding Journey (Essence) - is now live and available for enrolment should you feel called to explore your own heart work’s brand and visual identity. The investment is £222 (available in one or two payments) and if you join us before 21st March you can use the code ESSENCE10 for 10% off.

Daisy Chain Magic. Reading through the incredible posts that came to form as part of the beautiful collaborative invitation for International Women’s Day here. Nearly 70 women stood up (virtually) on Friday and wrote their words in this beautiful ripple of creativity and I am gently and tenderly reading each piece, revellling in the incredible magic that I am feeling in each word spoken/written. If you missed it check out

Claire Venus

note here which has a consolidation of writing. You can also read my contribution here if you haven’t already.

You can sit with us... in devotion to the women who have hurt me and held me, and the Circles that have healed me...

Hearing from you. I have been soaking in the wonderful responses to my Survey that I sent out last month. The depth of what was shared has blown me away, and I am taking the time to sit with each response - if you filled it out please know that I will be emailing you with your 3 months of free access to my Vault here soon, and of course drawing the winner of the Human Design reading.

Glimmers with the girls. As Vesper is now approaching 15 month, and Sophia is over 4.5, I have been watching in awe at the way my two daughters’ are interacting together. Of course there are squabbles and meltdowns - but there are also moments which hit me so hard in the heart I can hardly catch my breath. They have begun playing together and it melts me. I know I talk alot about the hardships in Motherhood - but of course there are moments of utter magic that I will cherish always. These girls have made me - truly made me.

I would love to hear from you now… How have you been traversing the undulating path of life/motherhood/business this last month or so? If any of what I have written today lands for you, I would love to engage in more conversation in the comments. Or even… now that Substack has it… in my DMs!

I have missed writing to you - it feels like coming back home now I have managed to sit and trust in the transmission that is coming through.

I might give myself a little more grace to get these notes to you at the exact same time each week moving forwards - but I now truly know just how much writing is my medicine and so I am devoting myself fully to it… and one day who knows… maybe the book I have dreamed about all my life will form off the back of these essays.

Until next time…

With so much love,

Lauren

xxx

Words to hold you this week…

Hello to anyone who is new here… I am Lauren, a Mother of two daughters, a Writer, Coach, Soulful Business Mentor, Website & Branding Creator, Human Design Guide, Sacred Space Holder and multi dimensional human being. You can find out more about my work here. Please do subscribe to join the journey, and if you enjoy this, and you do have the means, I would be so grateful if you chose to support my creations for £5 a month…