A season of few words
Leaning into spaciousness and what we have the energy for in this coming chapter...
Hello dearest one,
How are you feeling today? How is your tender, tender heart?
It was Mother’s Day in the UK on Sunday and I find it a strange day if I am honest. I felt the throb of grief in my chest for the entirety of the day… for no obvious reason, just simply being in the vastness of it all. The enormotity of what it is to be a Mother - something I am both utterly enraptured with and totally overwhelmed by at the same time.
I was spoiled with incredible flowers and chocolates, hand made cards and so much love (and of course there were still squabbles, whining and normal Mothering demands because that fun never ends!!) and I think maybe there is still a part of me that questions how ‘worthy’ I am of this outpouring of adoration… a part of me still not quite sure I deserve this much goodness in my life.
I find birthdays similar, a pressure to be joyful and have ‘the best day’ and to not disappoint those who have put time and effort into organising something for you. I love these days AND also I feel quite wobbly about them. So often these milestone moments come with a tapestry of feelings, it can make them feel extremely raw.
Is this just me? Do others feel this way too? If you are feeling tenderness in your being today, I want to send you an energetic hug through this love note.
Please don’t ever forget just how exquisite you are in your wholeness.
As we begin a new month, and step further into the beauty that is Spring, it seems I am landing deeper into a season of few words.
⋙ I turn to my journal and write the date at the top of the page… very few words come.
⋙ I open a blank document on my computer… very few words come.
⋙ I lay next to my little one as she sleeps… usually a space where words begin to pour… very few words come.
⋙ I walk the paths round my home where inspiration always drops in… very few words come.
People talk about writer’s block… however I don’t feel this lack of words as a block. I don’t feel resistant to writing. I actually feel a little excited because I know that every rebirth has to start in the void.
I feel in my bones that I am entering a deeply nurturing phase of spaciousness, a chance to drop into my life more intimately than before in order to ‘return’ with a richer experience to share. It feels like expansion and I am very trusting of that. I of course will bring you along for the journey because a huge part of my heart work is transparency and openness… but my words may be fewer.
I suspect that many of us need less to digest in this season, so I will be very intentional about what I do share.
Trusting our energy as a compass
Recently, I have been remembering once more the power of my sacral authority when it comes to making decisions, even though I have studied Human Design for 6 years now I still lose my way on my path and fall into patterns of ‘should’ and ‘obligation’ more than I would like to admit.
My gut response (which for me shows up as a magnetic pull, a tingle and fizzing, an almost uncontrollable desire to move my hands, a higher tone to my voice and an overall sense of everything in my entire igniting) tells me what I have energy for and what I don’t.
There are many things I want to have the energy for but if I override my own inner compass and force myself to do things that my heart (I have a defined ego/will centre which is also known as the heart centre) and gut are not ALL IN ON — even if they will make others happy and I feel like I should do them — then I am simply causing harm to my relationship to my true self. Over time, if I accumulatively ignore my own inner feelings, I am purely creating an evidence bank to my SELF that says ‘I am not really listening and honouring your needs’ and therefore breaking down the trust I have in myself.
Think about it… if someone close to you repeatedly asks you for what they need, and you keep ignoring them and doing the opposite… what do you think will happen? Eventually they will stop asking you, or they will shut down because they feel their needs are not being honoured, or they will find other ways to have those needs met that may not be the most healthy means. No matter what path they take… it will cause harm to your relationship and break down that trust bond.
I want my body to feel safe in my care… to feel that I will take care of it… even when growing through edges or facing challenges. I want it to know that ‘I have got us’ and that means I need to not only listen to it’s whispers, but also take action accordingly.
As I contemplated what to write this week I turned to a short entry from my journal written a few weeks ago…
‘I don’t have many words to pour here it seems. I simply want to embody and be IN my life rather than to make sense of it here in my journal. I want to tend to the garden and plant physical seeds. I want to move my body and tread my feet on the ground round the wooded paths that show me a different perspective every day. I want to learn from BEING in the world. I want to feel Mother nature kiss my skin with her sunshine, her breath of wind, her raindrops, her freshness… and her love.
We have seasons of inner world tending, and seasons of outer world tending.
This particular season feels like a call to be back in the outer world a little more and I meet that with both nervous anticipation and also relief. It has been a long winter in my inner world.
I feel as though I am making tentative steps out of a shadowy season… emerging, blinking my eyes as I feel light beams touch my skin once more. I am hearing my daughters’ infectious giggles differently. I am holding them with more presence. I am feeling their effect on my Mama heart and not being afraid of the bigness of the emotions that unfolds from that.
In the Restoration Session on Saturday with my members in The Balm we spent some time contemplating the story that we wanted to write in this coming chapter (you can access it here if you want to join us and enjoy the recording)…
The words I wrote were…
‘I want to write a story of colour and vibrancy… a love story of sorts…’
This life is a love story. Every. Single. Day.
What story do you want to write in this coming chapter?
I will leave you with this poem… a poem that I am so excited to have had published in the beautiful new This Creative Life Mini Zine by
…No longer sleeping awake
or slumbering through days
I want to dance in sun’s birth light
letting dewdrops of her sweetness
adorn my skin
To lick it as drips
trickle down my chin
drinking each moment
as though it’s the last
And instead of waiting
to be swallowed whole
I want to devour life
in one heavenly bite
living turned on
to the magic and mystery
of the heart breaking ache
that it is to be human
Feeling it all
and living
her life
all the way
alive.
All the way alive - by Lauren Barber
I will be taking a few weeks off writing over the Easter holidays to be with my family. Next week a fabulous podcast episode with
will be dropping and for The Balm members you will be getting the next audio workshop on Human Design Profile combinations at the weekend.I would love to know if you are in a season of few words or many? What is your energy telling you about the things that you want to tend to this season?
Until next time
With so much love and gratitude
Lauren
xxx
Hello to anyone who is new here… I am Lauren. A Mother of two daughters, Writer, Women’s Circle Facilitator, Sacred Business Mentor & Guide, Soul Branding & Website Creator and multi-dimensional human being. I walk with, and hold space for, others who are treading the tender path of their heart and soul work. You can find out more about this space and what to expect here. If you wish to be held in a deeper way do consider joining The Balm membership for restorative practices, sacred heart work offerings and more…
If you enjoyed this piece and wish to explore my other spaces please use the links below to explore…
Motherhood Essays
Self-Tending Practices
The Unravelling Podcast
Human Design
Work With Me
resonate with lots her Lauren - Mother's Day not feeling wonderful, words not coming... It feels like a time to garden, knit and just sort of be for me, trusting words and ideas will return... x
I’m emerging from a season of few words. I didn’t have the capacity to write long form while consumed by the crowdfunder. And even still, I’m slowly finding my way back to it.