In devotion to creative pauses...

Writing about not writing... and a list of things I am sitting with in my world as we close January

Hello lovely one,

How are you today? How is your body feeling in this moment? How is your heart feeling?

Mine is feeling… tired… weary… a bit depleted. I have felt like I am fighting off ‘something’ in my immune system for the past week and I think it is just about catching up with me.

January - yup it really is STILL January - has been… well… a pretty typical January.

We have had pretty much back to back illness since the return to childcare, my youngest is doing settling in sessions at nursery which is emotional to say the least, we are in the midst of some kind of sleep regression (which if I am honest has been a constant state of affairs for the last 13 months), I still feel hungover from the effects of the full moon last week and I am day 4 of my menstrual cycle - the depths of my inner winter - and when I enter this phase I find it is more about integrating and listening than a whole lot of expansive action.

When our inner seasons reflect the outer seasons, I often find that the medicine is almost amplified. Do you get that?

Over the years I have softened into the inevitable slow that December and January brings from a creative output perspective. Not that there isn’t still creativity occurring - it is just in a different phase, a different stage of the cycle.

This slow or perhaps even standstill part of the creative process is rarely honoured in the same way as other parts - the fizz of inspiration and the excitement of bringing something new to the world tend to be where most focus goes.

But what about the bit that feels like nothing is happening at all?

I am talking about the parts where the end result is nowhere near in sight yet, the parts that almost make us feel like something is ‘wrong’, or lead us to believe that we need to do more, f’ix’ things or even sometimes bail on the project entirely.

These parts don’t ‘tick the box’ from a capitalistic productivity lens but WOW there is richness within it if you can bear the discomfort of quietly waiting.

When nothing appears to be happening

My writing is very much led by whatever is on my heart - and when I tuned in to what words wanted to flow this week there was… nothing. Nothing that feels alive enough right now to share anyway.

There are ideas, dozens of ideas, and there are drafts, there are segments written on notes… there are things with an opening sentence and a few scribbled words, but they are all very much in the ‘not yet’ phase of the creative cycle. The energy isn’t naturally there to bring them to life and I have learned not to force in these times.

The irony of course is that I am writing this note to you… but allow me to be a mass of contradictions please.

When we make a vow to devote ourselves to creativity we are not just showing up for the ‘sharing your art to the world’ bit of the process… oh no… true creativity is birthed from the void spaces - from a gap, from a pause, from a moment (or several moments) of seemingly nothingness - which means that we need to be willing to sit in the dark sometimes and… wait.

How long that wait is… nobody knows. Urgh.

I know I could write something more substantial… I could put something out into the world. I’ve written for my job and I know that I can always type words into a document and create something.

But I don’t want to just write just something.

To truly be in service to the purity of my creativity means to fully listen to the rise and fall of energy… and right now that inner life force is telling me to take a moment. I won’t pretend there isn’t a tinge of frustration nudging at me because I have endless amounts of ideas at the moment, but mostly I just feel at peace with the process. A relief even.

So here I am writing to you about not writing… which is making me giggle a little to myself.

I really think we need to normalise the ebbs and flows and the cyclical way we work. Creativity is a living ecosystem… it is laughable that we should see it as anything that fits rigidly into a schedule or content map.

Sometimes these things are handy - but mostly I find that I spend time creating them and when it comes to actually implement - my heart is calling me elsewhere.

Now - being in the season of ensuring I DO NOT waste precious moments - I have surrendered into ‘winging it’ and trusting that the spark will arise and words will flow. In the past year - they have done just that every single week apart from one. My inner creatrix has my back!

So - instead of a longer essay this week I am just going to share some random things from my world right now, in no particular order other than how they flowed…

Julia

and

Lyndsay Kaldor

inspired me to record a little audio of the soothing micro moments I lean on from last week’s piece, if you wish to receive the audio and download it to listen to whenever you need, click here to revisit the post or download and listen to it here.

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I have been reading Matrescence by Lucy Jones. I am slowly getting through it - not so much by choice but because my regular pre-bed reading has been hijacked by a small person - and it is full of really insightful and pretty hard hitting realities around the early parts of Motherhood and how it is depicted in the modern world. I thoroughly recommend it, although I still have to say my outright favourite book I have read… yet… on the transition to becoming a Mother is Motherhood: Facing & Finding Yourself by Lisa Marchiano. Do you have a favourite? I would love to hear them.

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I want to celebrate some of my beautiful friends who have stepped into Substack and started writing here this month.

Natalie Brothers

Hannah Wallace

Ellie Nova

Alice Rose

I am looking at you amazing women. Four extremely different publications that I hope you will take a moment to investigate.

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I am currently re-designing my website… I know… didn’t I just do that? Well… yes I did last summer, but in line with my ‘Simplicity’ vibe from my word of the year I have decided to bring all of my offerings into one website - rather than have two. Hopefully within the next month you will be able to find my Squarespace website and Branding offerings (currently living here), my Business Mentoring, Human Design Guidance AND my Matrescence Support all in one place. Yup… true multi-passionate over here.

I decided to totally rebirth my colour palette, which you can see below - and I have to say this was NOT what I was expecting but I am a bit obsessed with it… what do you think?

Also… on the topic of websites… I have been up-leveling my website design skills by dipping back into the Standout Squarespace course (that I started in 2022 before Vesper was born and has somewhat taken a backseat) and it has given me such a fire again for the design work I adore. Now with my youngest beginning to have three regular mornings in childcare, I feel like there is a little more space opening up to return to taking on a few more design clients - and my heart sings at this because creating these sacred online spaces GIVES ME LIFE!

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I haven’t had a huge amount of space to read loads on Substack recently, but these pieces have touched me in many different ways. Brain: off. Heart: On by

Julia

- a tender piece on returning to the love when it comes to parenting. A Call To Action for Mothers from

Emma Del Rey

which will resonate if you have ever felt you have to justify your devotion to your children AND your creative callings. How we can turn towards our pain lovingly in On Wrongness by

Ellie Nova

. Everything that

Lyndsay Kaldor

writes… always… but particularly enjoyed this reflection on Kindling The Fire to Warm and Inspire Us In Winter. The honesty from

Natasha Page

who writes about loneliness in postpartum here. This piece on Writing In The Margins by

Stacey Langford

- who I also got the pleasure of having a Zoom catch up with a few weeks ago - really spoke to me - especially the piece about filling up our own cups and how challenging that is! And, last but definitely not least, a gorgeous somatic practice from

Sara Duigou

in Follow What Feels Good - which was just perfect to connect in during a rare fifteen minutes of total quiet over the weekend.

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After taking a month away from Instagram I have been contemplating how I want to use it going forwards. I like not having the app on my phone so I think I will continue with that because it stops me from diving into it and getting lost. I do miss sharing my writing on there though, so I am going to play with some boundaries around accessing and engaging via my laptop and having the app on my phone for minimal time just to post.

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I am really excited that there are (finally) some in-person offerings and collaborations on the cards again. It has been a while and I am really craving it. I am running a journaling workshop as part of a wonderful creative day retreat in Kent in March, I am in discussions with a dear friend about regular Yoga Nidra Circles near my home and a Mother’s Retreat in the late Spring… AND

Lyndsay Kaldor

and I are planning a London based event in April specifically for our Substack communities. More details on all of these will be shared soon.

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I have been working very hard on self compassion towards myself - particularly when I lose my centre and don’t respond as I would like towards my eldest daughter when I am under resourced. I returned to this meditation called Practicing Gentle Kindness Towards Ourself by

Sarah Blondin

and cried my heart out at her words as she told my fragile parts exactly what they wanted to hear.

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In a rare moment when my littlest stayed asleep on her ‘new’ floor bed (aka mattress) that we are experimenting with - I managed to finish watching My Life With The Walter Boys on Netflix. It is like a mish mash of The Summer I Turned Pretty AND Heartland. My inner teenager lapped it up. Tell me I am not the only one that is obsessed with this kind of watching?

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In The MotherMind Circle this past weekend - which is fast becoming one of my absolute favourite things I have ever created - our focus was on Tending The Soil. I feel very much that this is the phase I am in right now in my life, not just this particular time of year, but my own inner season.

If we do not pour the love and nurture into the soil we are planting our creative seeds in, then they simply cannot thrive. So I would love to offer you these thoughts to contemplate… How are you tending to the soil right now? What nourishment does it need to ensure that any seeds planted can come to full bloom?

Please do share in the comments, or reply in an email to me.

So that is it from me - a random selection of hopefully interesting little nuggets… and if you made it this far - thank you, I am so very grateful for your presence here.

Until next time…

With so much love,

Lauren

xxx

PS… you have just a day left until The Held Heart Yoga Nidra will be going behind the paywall, if you need time to replenish and tend to your soil - head on over and fill up your well.

Recent articles you might have missed…

• The Power of Micro Moments of Regulation - how to soothe and settle when space is limited

• Not the year I thought it would be - my thoughts on the first year as a Mother of two.

• A love note to my real postpartum - sharing the reality of the fourth trimester and beyond.

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Hello to anyone who is new here… I am Lauren, a Mother of two daughters, a Writer, Coach, Soulful Business Mentor, Website & Branding Creator, Human Design Guide, Sacred Space Holder and multi dimensional human being. You can find out more about my work here. Please do subscribe to join the journey, and if you enjoy this, and you do have the means, I would be so grateful if you chose to support my creations for £5 a month…