Thank you for sharing all of this Lauren, it's all A LOT! The responsibility is mammoth, weirdly it is not something that makes me actively anxious (I don't think!), however when my husband gets home/is off work or when I meet family/close friends the sigh of relief in my body is palpable. You are right, we are not meant to do this alone. Something else I find taxing on my nervous system is the extreme sensory experience it is, not to mention a physical one! I am learning more and more how I need alone time to restore. I love your list of resources, great ideas and good reminders for me. P.S. my daughter was a classic Orchid/velcro baby, it is so full on. My son is not full Orchid but not a Dandelion either! xx
Thank you for your comment lovely! Oh gosh the over stimulation is intense... I didn’t notice it as much until I had Vesper but I think I managed to keep ‘a lid’ on it before. Now I feel like my capacity is so stretched that it is so much more heightened. Time and space is what I crave and yet I also find it hard to be away from them! Such A LOT!!!!!!
YES so true, notice it way more with two. I guess there is double the amount of stimulation but it also probably got slightly more absorbed in the general overwhelm of becoming a mother/parent first time! And yes I am so with you on the push/pull of wanting space but not wanting them too far. So many contrasting feelings to hold. It's A LOT (!), almost too much at times! Love to you x
I loved reading this Lauren, and felt so held by you as you explained the way I have been feeling too. This line spoke to me, "Our nervous system is fundamentally designed to be in connection with others, and yet… so many of us spend a huge part of our days alone - and this I believe is one of the greatest tragedies of modern motherhood."
I am so privileged that my husband and I both work from home and so we spend most of the day co-parenting. Growing up myself though, my dad traveled for work Monday-Friday and so all the motherhood responsibility was on my mom all the time. I've talked about this with my mom so much since becoming one myself, and I don't know how she did it with two kids. But even though my husband is super involved, there is still this ultimate level of mothering and decision-making that falls on me. And it's super hard for someone who is terrible at making decisions. Haha
I had that five day in shower moment too where the reality comes crashing down, and it's hard to accept. I just keep reminding myself that something I say or do will be what she brings up in therapy one day, and no matter how 'good' of a mother I try to be, there will be something that messes her up about me and that's the process of learning and growing together. I hope that doesn't sound depressing, haha, but for some reason it comforts me that we're both on this journey of mothering and being mothered together.
So grateful for your beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your heart. Xx
Mmmmm yes to the therapy thing! I always have to remind myself that we are all learning together and that’s how I forgive myself the messy moments. My perfectionism is having a hard reality check in this journey, which I’m grateful for as I know it is healing in the long term, but that part of me inside that is so fearful of ‘getting it wrong’ is shouting loud a lot of the time!!!! Xx
Gosh this took me right back to the utter fear of taking a newborn home. You describe it all so beautifully, I felt it hard.
Oh gosh yes that first night was terrifying with my first! Thank you so much for reading xxx
Thank you for sharing all of this Lauren, it's all A LOT! The responsibility is mammoth, weirdly it is not something that makes me actively anxious (I don't think!), however when my husband gets home/is off work or when I meet family/close friends the sigh of relief in my body is palpable. You are right, we are not meant to do this alone. Something else I find taxing on my nervous system is the extreme sensory experience it is, not to mention a physical one! I am learning more and more how I need alone time to restore. I love your list of resources, great ideas and good reminders for me. P.S. my daughter was a classic Orchid/velcro baby, it is so full on. My son is not full Orchid but not a Dandelion either! xx
Thank you for your comment lovely! Oh gosh the over stimulation is intense... I didn’t notice it as much until I had Vesper but I think I managed to keep ‘a lid’ on it before. Now I feel like my capacity is so stretched that it is so much more heightened. Time and space is what I crave and yet I also find it hard to be away from them! Such A LOT!!!!!!
YES so true, notice it way more with two. I guess there is double the amount of stimulation but it also probably got slightly more absorbed in the general overwhelm of becoming a mother/parent first time! And yes I am so with you on the push/pull of wanting space but not wanting them too far. So many contrasting feelings to hold. It's A LOT (!), almost too much at times! Love to you x
I loved reading this Lauren, and felt so held by you as you explained the way I have been feeling too. This line spoke to me, "Our nervous system is fundamentally designed to be in connection with others, and yet… so many of us spend a huge part of our days alone - and this I believe is one of the greatest tragedies of modern motherhood."
I am so privileged that my husband and I both work from home and so we spend most of the day co-parenting. Growing up myself though, my dad traveled for work Monday-Friday and so all the motherhood responsibility was on my mom all the time. I've talked about this with my mom so much since becoming one myself, and I don't know how she did it with two kids. But even though my husband is super involved, there is still this ultimate level of mothering and decision-making that falls on me. And it's super hard for someone who is terrible at making decisions. Haha
I had that five day in shower moment too where the reality comes crashing down, and it's hard to accept. I just keep reminding myself that something I say or do will be what she brings up in therapy one day, and no matter how 'good' of a mother I try to be, there will be something that messes her up about me and that's the process of learning and growing together. I hope that doesn't sound depressing, haha, but for some reason it comforts me that we're both on this journey of mothering and being mothered together.
So grateful for your beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your heart. Xx
Mmmmm yes to the therapy thing! I always have to remind myself that we are all learning together and that’s how I forgive myself the messy moments. My perfectionism is having a hard reality check in this journey, which I’m grateful for as I know it is healing in the long term, but that part of me inside that is so fearful of ‘getting it wrong’ is shouting loud a lot of the time!!!! Xx