Thank you for sharing the reality of your sleep. My son wakes often and I find it hard to talk about because there’s a lot of assumption he shouldn’t be or that he’s a bad sleeper. I mean maybe? But I think he has a lot of energy. We moved him onto a floor bed at 8 months, I believe. My husband built the base for it and we just placed his crib mattress on top. His bed is next to ours, I’m breastfeeding at night. It works, and he still wakes up. My son goes through phases of being a ninja and needing to be held too, then it passes. Like you said, this too shall pass.
Thank you so much! I’m going to try the floor bed option even if it gives me a little more space to breathe... who knows! I don’t mind her being with us at all... I like it in fact... but I would really like to be able to eat my dinner alone and have an hour with my husband. Or just to zone out of demands for a little while. She also does like to headbutt in the middle of the night which I can’t say I enjoy!
It’s just so varied with sleep isn’t it?!? There is no one size fits all... despite what the apps will tell you! Hugs and love to you, hope this week is gentler on you xxx
I will say the floor bed helped us gain that space to have time in the evenings. Sometimes he wakes up, sometimes he doesn’t. My toddler kicks me...like he just lays there kicking until I get my boob towards him 😂
Oh my gosh, this whole post was balm to my frantic soul!
‘If you had asked me what I thought the most vital skill to learn as a parent would be… before I had my babies… I would never have answered with practices that soothe the nervous system.’ SO TRUE. I had no idea.
For me, it’s a deep breath with eyes closed when I notice my heart and mind start to race. It’s noticing that I feel overstimulated and doing something to quiet the noise. It’s taking a moment to drink my coffee hot while the baby naps, even though I really *should* use the precious time to be more productive. 🥰
Ahhh I’m so glad it served as the balm you needed. And yes... those tiny moments are so precious and so valuable. I used to think it had to be an all singing and all dancing practice to ‘count’ but not anymore... the small moments accumulate I think. Some days I need more of them than others!!!
Oh yes I’ve been showing Sophia to do that because she has some frustration and rage that I’m trying to help her process and feel. Yup the harsh words sting even if I know rationally she doesn’t mean it. Thank you for all your support and love always xxx
Lauren, this is a little late as I’m just catching up with my readings, but this reminded me of how I always try to calm my children by reminding them to take deep breaths and “breathe it out.” I can tell you that they do remember these moments, as the other day as I was stressed while driving and my son turned to me and said, “take a deep breath mommy, breathe it out.” 🥹 I love how sometimes we can also be held by loving words. 🫶🏻🥰
Oh I love that - and love how they reflect these things back to us. I had some big emotions come up over the weekend and my eldest put her hand on me and said, 'it is OK Mummy, take a deep breath'... and it totally softened the moment. xx
I have no words to express how deeply these words sunk into my soul and nourished me, validated me, lifted a weight off my heart and actually conjured a quiet smile on my face.
Every line was a charm. Every line was a powerful, much needed reminder. I might really write some down on my journal to remind myself that I am allowed space/time/rest/a treat/a scream/tears/silence/a loving rant with someone who just gets it/my creative rights/to close the door.
So simple, yet so easy to let it slip past me.
Heavens, I needed this. Thank you. Never forget how inspiring you are and how powerful your words can be. Please.
Thank you dear heart… I’m so so happy that you received them so lovingly. I thoroughly recommend writing yours down to show you just how many tools you have at your finger tips. Maybe the act of writing and reading them will help embody them a little more.
Beautiful words and very inspirational! As I hope to become a mama one day, I’m comforted by your experience of practicing regulation before kiddos serves you so well in the current moment. I recently got this card deck and love it. It helps just to do something and not have to make a decision in the moment. https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/hack-your-nervous-system-anti-anxiety-deck.
Lauren, this piece is so timely. My babe is a bit older but has been going through a very clingy stage and screams when I don't pick her up and hold her. The screaming upsets everyone in the house and I try my best to help her regulate but it's not easy with two other kids and trying to accomplish tasks like getting a meal on the table. She also has been waking at 5 AM the past few mornings and will not go back to sleep.
I just listened to her scream for 20 minutes after putting her down for bed. She usually cries for about 5-10 minutes before settling down but lately it's been for longer stretches. Going back in there and checking on her every five minutes like the sleep training books recommend would only make it worse. It rips my heart to shreds to listen to her. I know this is a phase but I want to "fix it" which I need to let go of...
All this to say thank you, and thank you for sharing your micro-moments - I have many similar practices and found myself nodding along. You also captured why I created an easy journaling practice while breastfeeding my third with consistent prompts, easy to do and remember throughout the day - to help self-regulate during all the ups and downs of the day.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts... gosh the sleep stuff is just so hard. I also find it so hard when she is crying and I desperately don’t want to wake up my eldest... so I end up probably getting more stressed about that than the crying itself!!!! I have to remind myself that it’s all a phase and it won’t be like this forever.... but sometimes it feels like it will!!! Love the sound of your easy journaling practice alongside feeding. Sending patience and strength for more settled sleep! Xxxx
This is the most beautiful list of micro-moments, thank you for sharing them, I can feel myself there with you as I read them and they are very much needed right now. I just need to remember!
I have been there (and am very much still there) as you know, with children needing a lot of input for sleep. Thankfully through the advice of a lactation consultant I softened into doing what was needed to get the most sleep early on and bed sharing/floor beds have been a godsend. Yet it is certainly not perfect and I absolutely hear you, there is very little space (physical or emotional!) to decompress/digest/connect. The absolute hardest is having no evening at all before you are needed (after all of the waking hours of bejng needed).
The intensity of it all of course doesn’t help when trying to navigate the wild emotions of a 4 year old I’m finding!
Sending you much love and solidarity from a darkened bedroom with two sleeping babes by my side xx
You have been such a lifeline to me lovely, knowing we are side by side from afar brings me so much comfort… even though I wish for us both to get an evening and some space!! Micro moments are just the medicine needed… i am so glad you enjoyed these ones! Xx
I feel you with all of the sleep stuff and the exhaustion that comes with having to regulate not just your own but 2 (sometimes three 😉) others emotions. A good scream alone in the car can help. Never underestimate the power of a scream for letting emotions out. Sometimes it helps way more than deep breaths for me and I can really release it all from my body.
I would also say finding humour in the tantrums has really helped me. Watching them in their dramatic state and just having a private chuckle at how hilarious they look can help me not take on too much and almost makes it easier for me to have compassion for them. X
Oh yes I sometimes scream into a pillow but think there is still a bit of me that doesn’t have acceptance for that roar… which is interesting…. I need to do it more!!!! And yes… humour sometimes is the best medicine! Thank you so much for sharing xxx
Sendling you love and pray for a good nights sleep to return soon! I have no idea how all you Mamas cope with little rest, I’m struggling on less than 8 hours and can’t stop wondering what it would be like with little ones at home one day (and how some return to their jobs is an absolute mystery, they must be so tired).
Self regulation is key, and so needed in any chapter of our life I find
Thank you, it’s amazing how you just get on with it. I never would have imagined it, but you find something that just gets you through. I definitely wouldn’t choose the sleeplessness though... it’s brutal. Thank you for your support always xxx
I’m in the season of going to bed with Lowen but, oof, it’s hard. I also need that time to decompress, to top up my own cup. I’m grateful for the pockets of rest, but I’m not feeling much like myself this week 💛
Oh I am with you in the depths lovely. It is so hard, and I too have felt very discombobulated this week. Full moon and hormones not helping I don’t think. I have had so much frustration, felt so touched out, and been so intolerant to everyone around me. Feels so hard when there is zero space. Hugs to you xxx
Are we the same person?! Hormones and moon definitely affecting my ability to stay calm and think clearly. Trying to go with the flow and remind myself a new phase will come 💛
Very much in sync! It’s so very hard to soften into the phases when they feel impossible... so i hope that we can both me kind to ourselves as we ride the waves and praying for some smooth water soon... even just a little lull to give us both a chance to catch up xxx
A wonderful post Lauren, one I totally relate to. My youngest is much like your daughter with his sleep - he will go down for an hour-ish around 8pm but then from 10-12 is v unsettled, and from 12 onwards it is slightly better. But every night is different. He's extremely itchy because of eczema so that doesn't help. It's those moments when you are trying everything to get them to sleep and nothing works, on your own, in the dark when you are shattered yourself is the hardest. I love your micro moment suggestions, I started doing this when my eldest 2 kids were at a similar age to yours and it was amazing what a difference small moments made. I try and fit in mini moments throughout my day now even if it's reading 1 page of a book or doing a few crochet stitches. Also love aromatherapy rollerballs too, love how scent can soothe xx
Oh the itching must drive him crazy... poor thing. I wish it was normalised just how varied sleep is between all children. My two couldn’t be more opposite with sleep.
And I LOVE a rollerball. I always have visions of making my own but never have managed it. But essential oils on my pulse points give me life! Do you have any faves? I love rose, wild orange... and Neal’s Yard do a gorgeous Women’s blend which I adore. Xx
Yes the eczema is better than it was when he was very little but very hard to stop him scratching. And when they are so different with sleep, you worry about the one who isn't sleeping waking the one who is sleeping up!!
They are great aren't they, so easy and quick to use - I'm using one by ESPA atm which is meant to revitalise I think, I'm drawn to any scent that promises to make me more energetic!! I like tea tree and lemongrass too. I love the Neal's Yard blends too, their oils are such good quality compared to others I've found.
So beautifully written. As a mother of 5 with my youngest being 8 months, I resonate with the sleep situation oh so well. As i lie in bed, with my husband sound asleep, my baby girl next to me in her crib for another hour (if i’m lucky) before she joins in our bed for the remainder of the night...I’m stealing a moment to myself to sip my tea in the dark with a candle while catching up here on Substack ❤️ Your words are so timely. Like a healing balm . Thank you.
Ahhh I feel so honoured you received my words while in that little sanctuary... thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I hope you got the space you needed to enjoy your tea and some reading. I bet having five gives you a lot of varied sleep experiences... both of my daughters have been totally different! Xx
Thank you for sharing the reality of your sleep. My son wakes often and I find it hard to talk about because there’s a lot of assumption he shouldn’t be or that he’s a bad sleeper. I mean maybe? But I think he has a lot of energy. We moved him onto a floor bed at 8 months, I believe. My husband built the base for it and we just placed his crib mattress on top. His bed is next to ours, I’m breastfeeding at night. It works, and he still wakes up. My son goes through phases of being a ninja and needing to be held too, then it passes. Like you said, this too shall pass.
Thank you so much! I’m going to try the floor bed option even if it gives me a little more space to breathe... who knows! I don’t mind her being with us at all... I like it in fact... but I would really like to be able to eat my dinner alone and have an hour with my husband. Or just to zone out of demands for a little while. She also does like to headbutt in the middle of the night which I can’t say I enjoy!
It’s just so varied with sleep isn’t it?!? There is no one size fits all... despite what the apps will tell you! Hugs and love to you, hope this week is gentler on you xxx
I will say the floor bed helped us gain that space to have time in the evenings. Sometimes he wakes up, sometimes he doesn’t. My toddler kicks me...like he just lays there kicking until I get my boob towards him 😂
Oh my gosh, this whole post was balm to my frantic soul!
‘If you had asked me what I thought the most vital skill to learn as a parent would be… before I had my babies… I would never have answered with practices that soothe the nervous system.’ SO TRUE. I had no idea.
For me, it’s a deep breath with eyes closed when I notice my heart and mind start to race. It’s noticing that I feel overstimulated and doing something to quiet the noise. It’s taking a moment to drink my coffee hot while the baby naps, even though I really *should* use the precious time to be more productive. 🥰
Ahhh I’m so glad it served as the balm you needed. And yes... those tiny moments are so precious and so valuable. I used to think it had to be an all singing and all dancing practice to ‘count’ but not anymore... the small moments accumulate I think. Some days I need more of them than others!!!
Thank you for sharing xxx
Thank you so much for sharing these Lauren. Oh my heart felt for you with Sophia's words 'you're not my best friend anymore'. So tough to hear.
And broken sleep makes everything so so SO much harder.
My self soothing moment is sometimes screaming into a pillow and smashing my fists on the bed!
Oh yes I’ve been showing Sophia to do that because she has some frustration and rage that I’m trying to help her process and feel. Yup the harsh words sting even if I know rationally she doesn’t mean it. Thank you for all your support and love always xxx
Lauren, this is a little late as I’m just catching up with my readings, but this reminded me of how I always try to calm my children by reminding them to take deep breaths and “breathe it out.” I can tell you that they do remember these moments, as the other day as I was stressed while driving and my son turned to me and said, “take a deep breath mommy, breathe it out.” 🥹 I love how sometimes we can also be held by loving words. 🫶🏻🥰
Oh I love that - and love how they reflect these things back to us. I had some big emotions come up over the weekend and my eldest put her hand on me and said, 'it is OK Mummy, take a deep breath'... and it totally softened the moment. xx
I love the moments of resonance we are finding. What joy 🥹😌🫶🏻
I have no words to express how deeply these words sunk into my soul and nourished me, validated me, lifted a weight off my heart and actually conjured a quiet smile on my face.
Every line was a charm. Every line was a powerful, much needed reminder. I might really write some down on my journal to remind myself that I am allowed space/time/rest/a treat/a scream/tears/silence/a loving rant with someone who just gets it/my creative rights/to close the door.
So simple, yet so easy to let it slip past me.
Heavens, I needed this. Thank you. Never forget how inspiring you are and how powerful your words can be. Please.
Thank you dear heart… I’m so so happy that you received them so lovingly. I thoroughly recommend writing yours down to show you just how many tools you have at your finger tips. Maybe the act of writing and reading them will help embody them a little more.
Deepest gratitude for you, always xxx
Beautifully written. 🤍
Thank you xx
Beautiful words and very inspirational! As I hope to become a mama one day, I’m comforted by your experience of practicing regulation before kiddos serves you so well in the current moment. I recently got this card deck and love it. It helps just to do something and not have to make a decision in the moment. https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/hack-your-nervous-system-anti-anxiety-deck.
Thank you so much, this deck looks beautiful too... a beautiful concept for the times when you really need to be guided! Xx
Lauren, this piece is so timely. My babe is a bit older but has been going through a very clingy stage and screams when I don't pick her up and hold her. The screaming upsets everyone in the house and I try my best to help her regulate but it's not easy with two other kids and trying to accomplish tasks like getting a meal on the table. She also has been waking at 5 AM the past few mornings and will not go back to sleep.
I just listened to her scream for 20 minutes after putting her down for bed. She usually cries for about 5-10 minutes before settling down but lately it's been for longer stretches. Going back in there and checking on her every five minutes like the sleep training books recommend would only make it worse. It rips my heart to shreds to listen to her. I know this is a phase but I want to "fix it" which I need to let go of...
All this to say thank you, and thank you for sharing your micro-moments - I have many similar practices and found myself nodding along. You also captured why I created an easy journaling practice while breastfeeding my third with consistent prompts, easy to do and remember throughout the day - to help self-regulate during all the ups and downs of the day.
Really enjoying reading. Cheers!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts... gosh the sleep stuff is just so hard. I also find it so hard when she is crying and I desperately don’t want to wake up my eldest... so I end up probably getting more stressed about that than the crying itself!!!! I have to remind myself that it’s all a phase and it won’t be like this forever.... but sometimes it feels like it will!!! Love the sound of your easy journaling practice alongside feeding. Sending patience and strength for more settled sleep! Xxxx
This is the most beautiful list of micro-moments, thank you for sharing them, I can feel myself there with you as I read them and they are very much needed right now. I just need to remember!
I have been there (and am very much still there) as you know, with children needing a lot of input for sleep. Thankfully through the advice of a lactation consultant I softened into doing what was needed to get the most sleep early on and bed sharing/floor beds have been a godsend. Yet it is certainly not perfect and I absolutely hear you, there is very little space (physical or emotional!) to decompress/digest/connect. The absolute hardest is having no evening at all before you are needed (after all of the waking hours of bejng needed).
The intensity of it all of course doesn’t help when trying to navigate the wild emotions of a 4 year old I’m finding!
Sending you much love and solidarity from a darkened bedroom with two sleeping babes by my side xx
You have been such a lifeline to me lovely, knowing we are side by side from afar brings me so much comfort… even though I wish for us both to get an evening and some space!! Micro moments are just the medicine needed… i am so glad you enjoyed these ones! Xx
🩷 and you to me.
Yes indeed, one day we will have our evenings!
And yes I need to keep them in my back pocket xx
I feel you with all of the sleep stuff and the exhaustion that comes with having to regulate not just your own but 2 (sometimes three 😉) others emotions. A good scream alone in the car can help. Never underestimate the power of a scream for letting emotions out. Sometimes it helps way more than deep breaths for me and I can really release it all from my body.
I would also say finding humour in the tantrums has really helped me. Watching them in their dramatic state and just having a private chuckle at how hilarious they look can help me not take on too much and almost makes it easier for me to have compassion for them. X
Oh yes I sometimes scream into a pillow but think there is still a bit of me that doesn’t have acceptance for that roar… which is interesting…. I need to do it more!!!! And yes… humour sometimes is the best medicine! Thank you so much for sharing xxx
Beautiful reading, whilst holding my baby in bed, preparing for him staying here the rest of the night ❤️
Ahhhh with you Mama. Such lucky boys to have you holding them xxx
Sendling you love and pray for a good nights sleep to return soon! I have no idea how all you Mamas cope with little rest, I’m struggling on less than 8 hours and can’t stop wondering what it would be like with little ones at home one day (and how some return to their jobs is an absolute mystery, they must be so tired).
Self regulation is key, and so needed in any chapter of our life I find
Thank you, it’s amazing how you just get on with it. I never would have imagined it, but you find something that just gets you through. I definitely wouldn’t choose the sleeplessness though... it’s brutal. Thank you for your support always xxx
I’m in the season of going to bed with Lowen but, oof, it’s hard. I also need that time to decompress, to top up my own cup. I’m grateful for the pockets of rest, but I’m not feeling much like myself this week 💛
Oh I am with you in the depths lovely. It is so hard, and I too have felt very discombobulated this week. Full moon and hormones not helping I don’t think. I have had so much frustration, felt so touched out, and been so intolerant to everyone around me. Feels so hard when there is zero space. Hugs to you xxx
Are we the same person?! Hormones and moon definitely affecting my ability to stay calm and think clearly. Trying to go with the flow and remind myself a new phase will come 💛
Very much in sync! It’s so very hard to soften into the phases when they feel impossible... so i hope that we can both me kind to ourselves as we ride the waves and praying for some smooth water soon... even just a little lull to give us both a chance to catch up xxx
A wonderful post Lauren, one I totally relate to. My youngest is much like your daughter with his sleep - he will go down for an hour-ish around 8pm but then from 10-12 is v unsettled, and from 12 onwards it is slightly better. But every night is different. He's extremely itchy because of eczema so that doesn't help. It's those moments when you are trying everything to get them to sleep and nothing works, on your own, in the dark when you are shattered yourself is the hardest. I love your micro moment suggestions, I started doing this when my eldest 2 kids were at a similar age to yours and it was amazing what a difference small moments made. I try and fit in mini moments throughout my day now even if it's reading 1 page of a book or doing a few crochet stitches. Also love aromatherapy rollerballs too, love how scent can soothe xx
Oh the itching must drive him crazy... poor thing. I wish it was normalised just how varied sleep is between all children. My two couldn’t be more opposite with sleep.
And I LOVE a rollerball. I always have visions of making my own but never have managed it. But essential oils on my pulse points give me life! Do you have any faves? I love rose, wild orange... and Neal’s Yard do a gorgeous Women’s blend which I adore. Xx
Yes the eczema is better than it was when he was very little but very hard to stop him scratching. And when they are so different with sleep, you worry about the one who isn't sleeping waking the one who is sleeping up!!
They are great aren't they, so easy and quick to use - I'm using one by ESPA atm which is meant to revitalise I think, I'm drawn to any scent that promises to make me more energetic!! I like tea tree and lemongrass too. I love the Neal's Yard blends too, their oils are such good quality compared to others I've found.
I’m not sure I have practices to share but thank you for all of these. It was soothing just reading them!
Oh I’m so glad they soothed you. Thank you xx
And I thought of you today when I heard birdsong. That soothes me every time!
Oh yes so soothing! And I love you thought of me when you heard it. ❤️
So beautifully written. As a mother of 5 with my youngest being 8 months, I resonate with the sleep situation oh so well. As i lie in bed, with my husband sound asleep, my baby girl next to me in her crib for another hour (if i’m lucky) before she joins in our bed for the remainder of the night...I’m stealing a moment to myself to sip my tea in the dark with a candle while catching up here on Substack ❤️ Your words are so timely. Like a healing balm . Thank you.
Ahhh I feel so honoured you received my words while in that little sanctuary... thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I hope you got the space you needed to enjoy your tea and some reading. I bet having five gives you a lot of varied sleep experiences... both of my daughters have been totally different! Xx