Heart Shaped Medicine... being called to Cacao

Sharing how my journey with Mama Cacao has gently unravelled my heart, one sip at a time...

I sit in a micro moment of stillness, holding the ceramic cup that I couldn’t resist buying on a sticky summers day in June, from my favourite market in France. My hands tenderly clasped around the chalice-like-shape while my feet rest on the earth beneath me. Staring into the dark brown nectar that is bursting with multi-coloured rainbow bubbles, I feel a beckoning, and a holding, that I have been craving for what feels like my whole life.

My daughters sit playing close by in the garden. Fairy potions are being crafted from dried up lavender, rosemary and thyme picked from the unruly herb garden and rose petals that have scattered like confetti on the grass. A stick serves as the most precious tool to stir the magic in, and sprinkles of grass and earth complete the alchemical process.

Bringing my sacred cup towards my heart space I breathe a long, slow, loving breath that traces it’s way through my chest, into my belly and pauses at my womb, filling me up with the purest, and simplest, life force. The exhale then gently falls from my body with a gentle sigh as my shoulders melt, my jaw softens, my hips sink into the surface I am resting on and I feel just a fraction more at peace.

Giggles and laughter turn into frustrated shrieks and ‘mine’, ‘no mine’ exchanges between the girls, for a moment my own frustration rises… ‘can’t I just have this moment?’ and then I look towards the cup in my hands and my mouth turns into a smile… this vessel serving as a reminder and a knowing that all of life is an invitation to return to love and that Mama Cacao is holding me as I practice patience and creatively encourage a sense of harmony to return between the two sisters.

A cuddle and a conversation settles things and I return. Bringing my cup to the edge of my nostrils in order to inhale the rich and decadent aroma. I think to myself, even if my ritual ended here, this is enough. After years of journeying with this plant, the scent now acts as a catalyst to presence, an anchor that reminds me I am here and I have so much to be grateful for.

I spend a moment looking around me and whisper sweet words of prayer and gratitude to the earth, to the trees, the sky, the sun, the garden that holds us and the air that feeds us, to the water that alchemised my cacao into this elixir that I can now drink to nourish my being. And of course, the deepest bow of gratitude to Mama Cacao for calling me to her, and for providing me with her heart shaped medicine.

I raise the cup to my lips with both hands, an offering to myself as I allow cacao to greet my mouth slowly. I remember to pause and notice the flavours, the texture, the warmth, and how my body responds to this first taste. Each time I greet her it is different. I hold the liquid in my mouth for a moment and then swallow it down… a sound of ‘mmmmmm’ vibrating from my belly and my chest as I absorb that first sip.

In this moment I am home. Home in my heart. Home in my body. Home in my surroundings.

In this moment I am forever changed. Forever rearranged.

Rainbow bubbles and bare feet on the earth

Hello lovely one

How is your heart feeling today? How are you feeling in your body?

I am almost a week in to my eldest daughter starting school and it feels like a lifetime has passed. I have to say that I feel more settled than I have in a long time and I realise that it is because this change has been looming for so long and now it has arrived there is a sense of relief.

I have just spent a weekend away for the first time since Sophia was born (in 2019), without my daughters with me. It was a BIG step for me, and perhaps something I will write about more at a later date. As always I experienced the full spectrum of paradox in Motherhood. Liberation, freedom, heart-ache, and the need to be very compassionate with my delicate nervous system. I felt both joy and gratitude for the time away and it was somewhat revolutionary to have fully formed conversations with some of my oldest and most treasured friends AND ALSO… I was so happy to be back home with my family in amongst the chaos and nightly interruptions.

Today I felt called to write and go deeper into my journey with one of my most treasured and supportive allies on my journey so far… Mama Cacao

A whispered calling…

I first attended a Cacao ceremony in 2015… way before it was ‘trendy’! A friend of mine and I felt curious and had found someone close by that held them in her home. Without really knowing what to expect — other than trusting our absolute adoration for all things chocolate — we danced with nerves and excitement and booked our place.

Strangely, as a child, I didn’t really like chocolate. I was that kid who forgot about Easter eggs and felt sick when eating a Dairy Milk. When I entered my ‘health food era’ in my late twenties, I discovered good quality dark chocolate (85% cocoa minimum) and realised that what I had eaten before was nothing more than confectionary.

I remember the beautiful simplicity of the ceremony. It was a small group of people sat in circle (my first circle experience too), we pulled Oracle cards, took our cups together in silence and for the first time ever I experienced the flavour of pure ceremonial cacao.

It was like nothing I had ever tasted on earth, and felt like pouring a loving embrace into my chest and belly as I took sip after sip of this potent, and yet so beautifully nurturing plant medicine. Our facilitator then invited us to lay down and guided us through a meditation to meet the Cacao Goddess.

It was on this day that I felt Mama Cacao infusing herself into my heart and body, and she has been guiding me forward from that moment on.

While I have not been drinking her medicine with any structured consistency from that time — it would often be months between cups — something about her energy had woven it’s way into my life and I always felt her presence.

Even when I wasn’t consciously connecting with her, she was there. Always. Never pressuring me, but a steady and rhythmic whispering.

Deepening with Cacao in Motherhood

My initiation into Motherhood in 2019 brought her to me more consistently - I could not ignore the call, and yet I also couldn’t fully surrender myself to her. I took a facilitator training with Cacao Mama in 2021 and immersed myself in learning about the plant and how to hold ceremony with her.

And then… I did nothing.

I didn’t hold ceremony. I didn’t weave it into my work. I hardly took a sip.

But I could not ignore the whispers, she constantly invited me forward. Again and again and again, never giving up on me.

Part of the ritual for me is the preparation itself, chopping and breathing her in

At the end of last year I met

Laura Durban

, a beautiful Cacao Priestess who walks the path of her sacred heart work alongside motherhood also. We chatted online and then by some magical synchronicity we managed to meet in the spring… in real life… for a walk and playdate with the little ones. As we chatted, between scooter shares, stick wands and preventing the wildlings from diving into the lake, I told her that I felt so called to really deepen my connection with Mama Cacao BUT the timing felt impossible.

How was I supposed to sit in ceremony and honour this sacred plant when I was consumed by the demands, and limited time, of Motherhood?

I have always held such reverence for Mama Cacao and was so frozen by perfectionism that I felt like I would be dishonouring her somehow if I did not give her 1000000% presence to her, and only her.

I was waiting for the ‘ideal’ time… which in reality would never come because there would always be something that called for my attention. I was effectively disrespecting her more by ignoring the call she kept lovingly offering me.

Laura helped me understand, and accept, that actually if the call was there, she was inviting me to show up in my whole messy self, and that it was absolutely possible to devote myself to her callings, alongside motherhood.

So in March of this year I embarked on my first Cacao Dieta, guided by Laura. Fourteen days of a devotional daily communion with Theobroma Cacao (the full plant name).

From the moment the container opened, in that very first ceremony, I was called to integrate Cacao into my real, messy, chaotic life — with the girls.

We prepared for the ceremony by picking flowers from the garden together, I chopped my Keith’s Cacao while they played around me, and as our ceremony commenced I was holding my cup of cacao, while two little beings climbed and cuddled me with. It wasn’t ‘perfect’ but it was perfect!

Little hands joining me to prepare our flower offerings

Life as Sacred Ceremony

One of the many, many lessons that Mama Cacao has taught me (so far) is that in order for me to devote time to my SELF I simply have to choose to let that space be part of my everyday life.

When I brought my children into ceremony with Cacao a beautiful thing happened. I softened my expectations and deepened my connection with myself, but also with them too, because I was able to show up in my wholeness and do something that nourished me as well as being there and modelling for them what it looks like to bring in these moments of depth to life.

I welcomed them into the process of creating my cup of cacao. They smelt it, stirred it, stuck their finger in it and tasted it. They sat with me while I drank it and the act of giving myself the gift of self tending through Cacao enhanced my Mothering because it was like a beautiful reminder that my innate need for ritual, sacredness and nourishment also matters.

Instead of waiting for the end of the day when my husband is home, or until a time comes when I have a chunk of childcare and no clients, I can choose beautiful ways to tether and soothe myself while also tending to the needs of my daughters.

Since March I have regularly consumed Cacao, more so than before, but even on the days that I haven’t actually made myself a cup to drink, I have still felt her pulse and presence walking alongside me.

While on a nutrient level there is plenty to get excited about, the deeper layer of the energetics of the plant, and the spirit of Cacao, is firmly interwoven in my heart.

I have since embarked on the beautiful Magic of Cacao Facilitator Training that Laura offers and in doing so have taken my learnings a layer deeper again and I truly know I am here to be part of the heart shaped medicine that Mama Cacao is calling us into.

Happiest in the garden with a cup of Cacao

For the curious

Cacao — or Theobroma Cacao, it’s latin name — is the purest form of chocolate that you can find. Ceremonial Cacao is 100% cacao straight from the bean. It is ground down into what is known as cacao liquor and has been used for thousands of years to support physical and psychological wellbeing. 

It was used historically by the Mesoamerican and South America cultures such as the Mayans and Aztecs and was seen as some a potent nourishment that it is said that soldiers going into battle would be given it to help them have sustained power and energy.

There are many reasons I personally adore cacao… 

• Ritual - the sacredness of preparing and mindfully drinking it - even with the children around - has become so anchoring to me. It is like a moment that says ‘I matter’. 

• Nourishment - Cacao in it’s purest form is full of nutrients so I find that in what I often find is a depleted state of my own physical wellbeing, Cacao gives me a true boost of nourishment. It contains many nutrients, including magnesium, iron and potassium, it supports the release of dopamine - the feel good hormone - and it contains anandamide which is known as ‘the bliss molecule’ which gives you that natural ‘high’, similar to what you would get after exercise. It also contains the essential amino acid tryptophan, which increases production of serotonin, an important brain chemical that helps us remain positive and happy. 

• Gentle energy boost - some brands of cacao are higher in caffeine than others, however because of the compounds it means that there is less likely to be a ‘coffee jitters’ effect, and Cacao provides a much slower and gentler boost of energy I find (and I don’t drink coffee because I can’t deal with the caffeine). I find personally I don’t drink it too late in the day because I am particularly sensitive.

• Conflict resolution - It is said that Cacao comes to humanity to help resolve conflict. In many cultures it is literally served when local communities need to be brought together to resolve issues. I personally feel that it softens and supports me in being able to meet myself with more compassion and gentleness, and this ripples out to my family and friends. 

• Connection to Nature and something ‘bigger’ – while there is no set gender of the spirit of Cacao to me I feel it as very much a Mother and Grandmother energy. She holds and nurtures me as a Mama. If this doesn’t resonate with you then trust it and allow the plant spirit to guide you into your own relationship.

I feel very strongly that Cacao is a powerful medicine for today times, particularly for women and Mothers. Not only is she nutritionally dense in order to support and sustain the depletion that sadly occurs in modern motherhood and womanhood, but the energy of her brings a sense of softening to the heart, a soothing to the nervous system and a courage to those on a creative path.

Going deeper

I have opened up the podcast episode I recorded at the end of my Dieta, that was previously just for paid members, but I really wanted to share it with anyone who was curious to hear more about my learnings during that time. You can listen to it below…

Going deeper still…

If you feel called to immerse yourself in the heart shaped medicine of Cacao, Laura is guiding another 14 day Dieta from 29th September, so if you have a whisper (or a very strong nudge) to do something deeply nourishing for your body, mind and soul, I cannot recommend it more. You can find out more over on her publication

Kakaozauber | Cacao Enchantment

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What is your experience with cacao? Have you felt the whispers from her calling you forward? If you have, how do you weave her medicine into your life? I would love to know.

Until next time.

Sent with so much love

Lauren

xxx

Hello to anyone who is new here… I am Lauren, a Mother of two daughters, a Writer, Soulful Business Mentor, Website & Branding Creator, Human Design Guide, Circle Facilitator, Sacred Space Holder and multi dimensional human being. You can find out more about this space and what to expect here. Please do subscribe to join the journey, and if you enjoy this, and you do have the means, I would be so grateful if you chose to support my creations for £5 a month…

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